You've read all the specs, seen all the pictures, you may have even played one at Best Buy, but I guarantee you haven't heard what I have to say about Nintendo's DS Lite.

Evidently borrowing design cues from Apple, the DS' redesign is very impressive. Aesthetically, the Lite is gorgeous. A coat of glossy plastic covers the outside, just like the layer of clear plastic on the PSP and iPod. The biggest difference I found was that no matter how smudgy my fingers should have made it, the Lite looked brand new. The inner portion is a matte that looks like it might get dirty with extended play, but will definitely give you a better grip. The power switch is placed on the right side of the unit, and the start and select buttons are placed lower, so they are less likely to be hit accidentally. The 360 could take notice: I always hit start in the middle of DOA4. The buttons are spaced perfectly, and along with a much quieter click, the alignment allows the DS to fit better in your hands. The stylus is thicker and longer than the old one, making gameplay on the DS a much more comfortable experience.

But beauty isn't just skin deep. The screens are the biggest improvement. While retaining the size and aspect ratio of the old system, they are are exponentially brighter and more colorful. Once you go Lite, I can tell you from experience, you never want to go back. I'd imagine it's like getting glasses you've really needed for the first time in your life, and realizing trees aren't supposed to look like lollipops. It's a huge difference and a welcome change. Another improvement is the time in which it powers on and loads up. I guess they goosed the internal memory a little, to make the operating system go faster. It's appreciated.

Size-wise, the DS Lite much more portable than its former incarnation. Unlike the "DS Phat", the Lite can fit in your front pocket without giving the impression you have a tumor or strangely-shaped erection. It's thinner, shorter, lighter and brighter than the PSP. If that doesn't chap some Sony fanboy ass, I don't know what will. In fact, the Lite is about the same weight as a GBA Micro. That's a very impressive feat.


Verdict: 10/10; Why didn't the DS launch like this?

Be sure to watch the Season Premiere of the Venture Bros Tonight at 10:30pm. Your testicles will spin around. Then they will explode. Such is the nature of the show.

Just a Taste
So far I've been regaling our faithful readers with stories and promises of the redesign; so much I'm really getting tired of the word "redesign". Since it's the seventh time I've revised the afb, from now on I'll call it "Revision7". Ever since my computer froze and wiped out the original files and styles for Revision7, I've started over with a new, more inspired design. I also added a color which I'm sure you will grow to either love or despise in the coming months. Chocolate brown. I've seen it side by side with the other colors, and I must say it's gorgeous. I'm also going to try to compress the site's high quality png24 images to a less load intensive png8. The gif is dead. Long live the png.

As promised, here's a sneak peak at the new headers for the home page and podcast: featuring an all new menu, color scheme, and soon, a new logo. I'm still "Illustrating" it right now. As in, I'm using Illustrator CS, so it's a huge pain in the ass. If I did it in Photoshop like most of the site, it would be done already, but I want it to be easily translated to bigger formats without pixelation and artifacts (those nasty little buggers). The first two are the home page's header and a demonstration of what the menu looks like when rolled over (each button goes, not all of them at once) and the second set is the same thing, but with phase4radio, our podcast.


Hope you like them. I worked pretty hard on getting just the right look and feel of them, working out the spacing and color balance while leaving enough room on the right for the new logo. I promise, once it's done you'll get another sneak peak. It appears my original estimated launch date for Revision7, July 1st, will be impossible. Therefore, I am...

Calling All Coders!!!
Are you proficient in CSS? We're looking for a Wordpress theme all our own, built to my specifications. I know it can be done, but I don't know how. That's where you come in. I'll provide the images, I'll provide the architecture, in fact I know exactly what I want. All I need is someone to code it for me. I'm sure most of it is cutting and pasting anyhow. If I knew how to do it, I wouldn't be asking you, but I lost a shit-ton of work, and my latest improvements span far beyond my knowledge in the scripting department. I'll update the post with a sketch of what I want the site to look like architecturally, I'll even do the dimensions and whatnot for you. All I need is that sweet sweet CSS style.

We won't be able to pay you (as we're flat broke), but you will get a link button on the front page (and the links page), a credit in the footer (CSS style by Hoosimarv Vandershmootz) and even a link to your company /blog/portfolio in the sponsors bar, made by me, spiffy as shit. You've seen the "Venture Bros" and "It's Always Sunny..." ads on the right? I made them, and one of those spots can be yours! Immortality! Fame! Gorgeous Links! All yours for a week or so of your time, on and off. Basically, if you work on it a little bit for a week, and it is awesome, we'll use it, insert two colorful home page links, one text link and a credit link in the footer to your site of choice, an entire post to how effin' awesome you are, and may even add you to the staff as a programmer for future job reference. Sweet deal, huh?

So pump this topic full of semen comments, or send us a line at antifanboy@gmail.com. Just think, WWBRD? (What Would Burt Reynolds Do?)

No one's been more excited about Neil Gaiman & John Romita Jr's Eternals more than Alex, and he got me caught up in the hype aswell a few weeks ago. The story is quite impressive: it's about a race of long forgotten immortals created by giant creatures known as the Celestials. Another group, the Deviants, were created alongside the Eternals to balance things out. The Deviants, mixes of all different species, sharing no genetic similarities, decided to fuck like bunnies and enslave the ancient humans. The Eternals, with the backing of the Celestials, fucked their shit up in a massive war that turned a population of millions of Deviants to a little over a thousand. Now, thousands of years later, one of the Eternals lives in not-so-blissfull ignorance of his illustrious past, his true identity, and his powers. All he has are cryptic dreams, pieces of his life that are too surreal to believe. That is until a golden eyed stranger walks into his life, and brings with him the truth about his past.

The artwork was the first thing to catch my attention. Rick Berry's cover is a strikingly beautiful piece of art that I'd more than gladly pay to frame and hang on my wall. Romita's pencils are complex and solid at the same time, showing why he is one of the bigger names in the world of comics. The inks accentuate Romita's lines and if anything make them pop more, and the colors, filled in by the spectrally talented Matt Hollingsworth are more than worth a mention.

I have only one gripe. The writing is fantastic, but not when it comes to dialog. The conversations between the characters, while interesting, tries too hard to be natural. The errors in grammar and punctuation are too numerous and obvious for the average reader with atleast a sixth grade education not to shudder. Most of the time fucking immortals are speaking in this stilted, half retarded manner. I can't make it through most of the dialog without biting my fist and asking myself how such a high profile comic book could let this shit slide. Who the hell proof-read this? I write most of my posts at three in the morning, wiping my bloodshot raccoon eyes and sipping on a mountain dew, and even I catch more errors than this internationally published, well hyped graphic novel.

Hopefully they catch more errors in the next issue. You know, when this shit happens in newspapers, they print a whole page of things they got wrong. Maybe Marvel should start doing that, lest DC pimp slap them with their "superior spellcheck skills". Microsoft Word mother-bitches!

Overall though, I highly enjoyed the first issue, and look forward to many more. Eternals issue one is definitely worth your two bucks.

Hopefully Alex will see this and edit in his two cents. Either way, the next game review should be up shortly. Sorry for the lack of decent content as of late, but I've been fabulously busy.

Civil War Impressions coming soon to a theatre near you... keep your eyes peeled.

**New Feature: Digg this article. Help a brotha out!**

I'm cleaning out all the games I don't play anymore. I figure selling them might get me enough for a DS Lite. The games I bought new are pretty much a thin sheet of cellophane away from being just that - I keep my games and movies in impeccable condition. If you see something you want, they are at bargain basement prices, so please support my quest for a Lite. New Super Mario Bros is just not the same. In other news, once I get the Lite, I'll be selling my gorgeous imported White DS Phat.

Xbox:

• Brothers in Arms: Road to Hill 30
• Armed and Dangerous
• Spider-Man 2
• Rainbow Six 3
• Mortal Kombat: Deception
• Ghost Recon 2

GameCube

• Star Wars Rebel Strike
• Eternal Darkness
• Animal Crossing

DVD

• The French Connection
  

Fuck Windows Fucking XP
I woke up today, and my computer was frozen. I rebooted, and when it started back up, I almost cried. For some unknown reason, all the files on my desktop were gone, and most of the programs didn't work. I tried to locate System Restore, but alas, it, and most of my system files, were gone. XP was running, but just barely. I have no clue how this happened, but I had a shitload of important files sitting on my desktop, including the anti-fanboy's redesign folder. It contained all the css style and image files. A brand new logo, header, and design, 2 weeks of hard work, all gone because my OS went on a drinking binge and killed all its brain cells. This will definitely set back the unveiling, and also I might cry. Who has a dry shoulder?

This is the Shape of Things to Come
For the forums, we have two new choices. IPB is out the window, as the only free version is pretty gay and ugly. My first choice, and the one I worked like hell customising before the retardation of my entire C:/ drive, is MiniBB. Although the official site's demo is pretty ugly itself, it's highly customisable, and the features rock the pants off anything else out there. In the end, it would look almost exactly like this, but with our branding and less slick javascript effects. One of the coolest features is the ability to log in and quick post/reply at the same time. How fucking convenient is that?

The second choice is Lussumo's Vanilla. Optimized, it too can look pretty. I'm not in love with it, but it's an option, incase you guys dislike the shit out of MiniBB. Don't know how you could, though.

A few more things to ruminate over: new sections and features. You already know about the video podcast, but there will also be our personal blogs, "StarF*cker" (that's mine, with a star in place of the u- that's so fucking clever!) and "Alex's FROzen Tundra" (get it, cuz he has a fro! omgloller). Another feature is "The Thesis Stupidicus", a college guide to the most insipid, ridiculous, lazy theses a student can possibly get away with. I give it a week before we're tired of it.

Phase4Radio, our video podcast and delightfully clever play on words is also on its way. Once we record the first episode, figure out how to edit and distribute it, it will most likely be available over Torrents and iTunes, since the bandwidth would kill the site if we hosted it here. Our goal is to have it be a cross between Diggnation's "sit down and shoot the shit" format and break it up with Lonely Island-esque shorts. Even though our stuff will be completely original, those are the most similar/popular shows, that we are both huge fans of. We'll have guests, flash animations, video previews of games that aren't out yet, and cover stories every podcast (they replace our current cover stories). They'll be released once a month, have no time limit, and be available in high mp3, h264, xvid, wmv, and m4v for those with video iPods. As for the PSP's video format, the PSP is dead to me.

As a consolation for so much down time, I've prepared two wallpapers for your desktop! One with penguins, one sans penguins. They sport the brand new color scheme and spiffy logo. I'm pretty sure the new site is going to rock your balls off. Although the base is "Aqua" from Mac OSX (and this wallpaper is best suited for crazy Mac resolutions), it can easily be centered to fit any Windows desktop and still look beautiful. Ironic part is, I don't even own a Mac. Enjoi and spread the word, but please don't shmear the word. That's just too messy.

So some jackass Time Warner Cable guy installed a neighbor's cable, knocked out our feed, and then promptly locked the box and left. We called Time Warner, and they said they'd get around to it friday, a week from when it happened. They are such fuckheads. This lack of digital cable has prompted me to turn to dvds and my computer for entertainment. I might take a crowbar to the lock-box tomorrow, but for now I've been catching up on some of the movies I've never gotten around to watching, what with the "feeding 'tube" always on.

I've had the screener for Brick laying on my desk for a few weeks now, and sadly never popped it in 'til now. This suspenseful slice of heaven is something rarely attempted- a high school detective noir. It stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the kid from 3rd Rock, and Emilie de Ravine, the Aussie single mother on Lost. The dialogue at times can get campy, but that's most of the movie's appeal. Brendan, a loner high school kid talks to the Vice Principal (played by Richard Roundtree, of Shaft in Africa fame) like a private dick to a police chief... in the 30's. The mystery behind Em's death unravels as the tough-as-nails Brendan uncovers the dirty underworld of a Southern California high school.

The wonderfulness of this movie is the thin line it walks between reality and far-fetched drama. While the characters speak cryptically, like every fast-talking Humphrey Bogart character, it's somehow still believable. The mooks sound like mooks, the brains sound like brains, and the drama students (Meagan Good plays the seductively delicious Kara) sound like any other no-good dame that's walked into your joint just to stir up trouble.

Keeping this from turning into another modern day take on Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet, I'm looking at you...) takes some doing, and grounding everything in reality accomplishes so much. While "The Pin" is the high school's local drug hookup, he is far from a crime boss. He's a 26 year old, 98 pound weakling who operates out of his mother's basement, using the high school's juvenile delinquints for muscle and distribution. Just like in real life! I highly suggest finding an arthouse theater to see this, or just wait until it hits Blockbuster's shelves. It's atleast worth a rental fee and 2 hours of your life.

*update: ironically, since i mentioned those asshats at twcable, half my google ads are now for them. grr. turns out, the cable watchdog/audit guy came by, and our cable wasn't tagged correctly, so he shut it off (thinking we were stealing it). the repair guy came back, tagged us, and then reamed that guy over his mobile all in front of us! that was sweet. we'd better get free hbo for the rest of the summer. i miss my bill mahr.