<body>

Pink Nightmare

Thursday, December 22, 2005
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

oh ffffudge. it's that time of year again. time to mix up the nog and clean off the sog, because you might have to slit some throats to get that last minute gift. best buy's register lines look like six flags', it's too late to get anything online, and forget the mall. i suggest a quick trip to target for the officially licensed nintendo classics boxers. i got the green ones.

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

on the downside, if you haven't already gotten that big ticket item (360) you probably won't. if you have, there aren't any new games until dead or alive 4, and that's been pushed back to the year's end. you can always get them a nintendo ds in their favorite color with a copy of bust a move ds. will not disappoint. i'd get you something, but you'd shoot your eye out kid.

Gun 360

Saturday, December 10, 2005
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

gun is one of those games that rides in on its salt and pepper mustang, grabs you round the waist, and rides off into the sunset, and you don't scream rape. i might be biased when reviewing gun; my love of westerns, my respect for art, my desire for a well rounded and genuinely fun video game that provides a magnificent story and 3 dimensional characters is just my bag.

some might wonder the big difference between the xbox and 360 versions. screenshots simply don't do justice to gun on the xbox 360. every texture is rich, every vista is grand, and the entire game is in glorious widescreen. when you pull into empire city, dust blows a tumbleweed across the street. when you enter a building, it wraps around you, changing the climate, light, and sounds. at the beginning of the game, your father ned wakes you to go hunting. kris kristofferson does a great job with this character, and the scene is as brilliant as the rest of the game. you follow his cue through the forest. light trickles through the treetops, and he tells you to stay low and keep quiet as to not spook the quails in the grass. in this sequence, you learn quickdraw. this organic gameplay is present in later missions as well, like the prisonbreak where you wait for the drunken guard to walk close enough for you to grab his badge, kill him, then use it to pick the lock.

a brilliant color pallette saturates the entire game, but the biggest immersive factor is the sound. with a 5.1 setup, the game truly shines. an original soundtrack composed specifically for gun changes with whatever is happening in game. if you are simply riding along, the score is a mellow one, the kind you would expect when trotting through a canyon on horseback. when you are being attacked, the music becomes frantic, and when you are victorious, the score is triumphant and satisfying.

when you mount a horse, it controls better than any other game i've played. it pivots, gallops, trots, and jumps all on a dime. the right thumbstick is free to adjust the camera angle or aim the gun. every character moves and dies realistically. shoot them in the head, and the back of their skull along with some brain chunks fly out. shoot them in the stomach, they double over. shoot their horse, and it will go down headfirst, both throwing and crushing them. every shot can be pinpointed with quickdraw, which is a shoulder button press away. this is extremely easy to use, and feels like a zoomed, slow motion first person view. shots and kills are documented with unintrusive onscreen cues, such as "body shot," "headshot," and "shot off horse". they all report with a satisfying "ping" that resembles a bullet hitting a spittoon.

overall, gun 360 feels more next gen than most of the other games in the launch lineup. organic gameplay, immersive design, and well developed characters make gun a game that will not be forgotten.

verdict: 09/10; buy it for 360, well worth the pricetag.

Guitar Hero

Friday, December 09, 2005
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

yeeeaaaah! throw up those muthafuckin horns bitch! it's guitar hero, the game that made me deeply respect guitarists. play it on insane and you'll know what i mean. for a mere 20 dollars more than a game costs, you get a somewhat lifesize gibson sg guitar controller AND one of the greatest rhythm games ever coded by man. dancepads are for pussies. it's all about the guitar controller. 5 fret buttons, a strum and whammy bar.

the song's are hit and miss; while they include boston, incubus, queen, and bowie, they also include sum 41... the notes and chords feel dead on, and when you miss a note, it's just as humiliating as if you did on stage (the twang is just so... ouch). when you nail a song, your character either smashes or incinerates his lovely axe, after the giant fretbar on screen splinters the words "you rock!"for all your friends to see. maybe now they will believe you and your teeshirt. no, not the one that says "no fat chicks", although that is still true. almost every element is customisable, from your venue to your guitarist to your instrument, there is a shop where you can unlock all those, and some extra songs. guitar hero was destined for a sequel, and from what i've heard, they are already working on it.

verdict: 10/10; must buy title. go out and buy it now!

Amped 3

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

if you are looking for frosty fun going about 60 miles an hour down powdery white mountains, this is your best bet. from the moment it starts, amped has you in a bunny suit, carving with your crew of buddies to the stellar manfred mann tune, "blinded by the light". i can't make this up. it is, quite possibly; the best beginning and one of the most memorable gaming moments i've ever experienced.

sadly, it's all downhill from here (pun intended). during the rest of my playtime, i performed pant-wetting tricks, switched from my board to a sled to a snowmobile on the fly, and hell, the cutscenes might have squeezed out a giggle or two, but nothing else blew my mind. this doesn't mean this is a bad game. not by a long shot! in fact, it's worn my thumbs down to a pink soreness that only call of duty 2's campaign and perfect dark's multiplayer acheived. my only issue with the game is that it's a huge one, that starts with the punchline, and leaves you hanging.

verdict: 07/10; rent, purchase when price goes down

Need for Speed: Most Wanted 360

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

i'm gonna say this quick, so don't blink. i want you to read this and take it to heart: don't waste your money or time with this game. it plays terribly, like no one on the staff even so much as picked up a controller. imagine a game where you race derailed locomotives dressed up to look like the prettiest, hottest cars in the world. sure, it's pretty, but you feel like there should be sparks and torn asphalt in your trail instead of tire marks.

games like this and rise of the imperfects are the reason there are so many EA bashers. for every game like burnout and battlefield 2, there are 6 shitty games they bang out every year, just to keep the franchise going. i really hoped need for speed would be great, it looked amazing, had bmw's and other sweet cars in it, and it was being helmed by the man behind the hot pursuit titles. the gameplay is terrible, the camera is so jumpy it hurts to watch, and as for the soundtrack, it aint worth a squirrel fart, as my granpappy would say. it's best that this title is taken out back and shot.

verdict: 03/10; stay away, don't even pick up at severe discount.

new kid in town

Tuesday, December 06, 2005
my old friend alan is joining in our fight against the fanboys. welcome him, and give him a break while he tries to figure out the nuances of the blogspot posting system. arr, she's a harsh mistress.

sore thumbs

Friday, December 02, 2005
all day/all night marathons on the 360 leave me with stiff fingers, so there won't be reviews for atleast another week. gotta play some more.


w007