"Bully" Review
This game almost didn't get released due to all the negative press and boycotts from ignorant parent groups and media stories. Every fight Rockstar is in has been a one-sided argument. They tend to do what they want anyway, but whiny ignoramuses make things difficult for them. Even more recently the gaming community has seemingly turned on them. Suddenly Rockstar is the new Microsoft. I don't get it.

Don't worry parents. As a man who plays video games for a living, I can tell you that Bully is tamer than Tony Hawk. At least those shit-fest "Underground" games. It's also a better influence, if your child is enough of a dumb-fuck to imitate fictional characters in his everyday socio-pathic life. 15 year old Jimmy Hopkins is a much better role model than Bam Margera, a guy who makes millions torturing his parents and generally being a destructive asshole. Bully reminds me of my childhood, Elementary through High School. All the classic archetypes are there: the meat-headed jocks, the pompous preppies, the unstable bullies, the delusional nerds and the over-reacting greasers. It's a bit of an amalgam of different childhood experiences and characters, and other than a reference to the Internet, it's not set in any specific time period. No matter how old you are, you'll enjoy the hell out of Bully, simply for nostalgia 'sake.

In classic Rockstar fashion, the story, characters, and atmosphere are all crafted particularly well. Playing the game feels like watching a movie, and their award-worthy textures bring the characters and settings to life. The game begins in Autumn, showing off the gorgeous foliage on campus. Birds settle on power lines, crimson leaves sprinkle down from the trees above, and the world feels genuine. In a few days you start to see Halloween decorations pepper the campus, and soon you're embroiled in one of the best missions in the game, Halloween night pranks. Two chapters along and you're waking up to snow on the ground and icicles hanging from every surface. While campus is beautiful, the real magic lies waiting outside school grounds.

Surrounding (New England's?) Bullworth Academy are three towns, a sleepy waterfront with a boardwalk carnival, a wealthy suburb, and a blue-collar industrial town. All are unique but blend together magically. They feel radically different from the campus, as if you're stepping into the real world. It's almost a shame to have to go back to class. Good thing you can ditch. If you do, however, there are fitting consequences (just like in reality) you have to make up the work you missed, and in the time you were away you missed out on vital upgrades to your various skills. While off campus during classes, you also have to watch out for prefects and cops who will drag you in for being truant. Prefects and police officers will haul you in for any type of mischief you cause anyhow (just like in reality) so you have to behave around them, try and stay out of trouble, and keep your "!" meter down. You can do this by running away, going back to your dormitory, or hiding in trashcans and lockers.

When you pass up on a fight and run toward the nearest prefect, the bullies chasing you will walk the other way. When you solve problems by talking people down instead of duking it out, you avoid negative attention and might even make a friend. Most of your missions involve rescuing or escorting someone who's being bullied. Of course, some have you running in with a bad crowd (Gary) where you are pressured into causing trouble, but as our buzz-cut sporting hero says at the end of Chapter 1, "Stop picking on weak, defenseless kids. There are plenty of kids at Bullworth that deserve a good beating." "I only mess with those who have it coming to them." These aren't verbatim, but are the basic principles of the game. ...See Jackie-boy? This game punishes you for bad deeds and rewards you for good ones! Would you like some milk to wash down that crow you're eating?

Jimmy may say that Bullworth is the "worst school ever" but the truth is that most schools are as terrible as his, and some are much worse. The truth is, the smaller the school the bigger the assholes. You can get away with keeping to yourself at a big school, but it will still be a shit-hole. Truth is I've lived through most of Bully myself, except the language is much cleaner in the game, and my versions usually include drugs, alcohol, and weapons much more dangerous than a slingshot and a bag of marbles. Fights took place in "The Glen," which is conveniently located straight shot from the local Police Department and Hospital. It was like a gladiator's arena, secluded by trees with just enough visible from the bridge and sidewalk to make it a perfect little gladiator's coliseum. Just add lions and Christians.

The entire game is like a wonderful patchwork of previous Rockstar games. The fighting system is quite obviously an adapted, improved version of the one used in The Warriors, the cutscenes, map, biking, character customization, property ownership and hideout collection (after you complete a certain mission, a keepsake will show up in your room ala Vice City) are all here and improved from GTA, and overall the entire game feels very polished. As Rockstar's last current generation outing, it certainly does not disappoint.

The VO work and character animations are excellent, and I swear to God I know Gary. Of course, he went by different names and forms throughout my childhood, and he always got me into trouble. Gary is the first person you really get to know at Bullworth, and after offering to be your friend and showing you around, he manages to manipulate and set you up. Again, it reminds me of so many kids throughout my life, starting with Brian in second grade- ...anyway, he becomes your main antagonist, always three steps ahead of you, spreading lies and slander to the people you're trying to break bread with. As our cool-headed hero assures us, he'll get what's coming to him. And oh boy, he does.

In conclusion, Bully has turned from a potential Hot Coffee-size controversy to one of the best games I have ever played. You'd be a fool not to at least give it a try, even if you profess online to supposedly hating Rockstar Games and everything they develop. It's a coming of age story, one filled with frustration, exclusion, awkwardness, acceptance, and even romance. Bully is definitely the funniest game of the year, and shows that despite all the bad press and bad hype ignorant mouthpieces have been spouting about it with nothing to go on but the words "Rockstar Games" and "Bully", a gaming masterpiece can be produced without caving.

Overall: Perfect 10; Bully is one of the best games I have ever played. This is a definite buy.

PS: You can kiss a boy Jackie-baby! Fulfill your deepest, darkest desire to give Sam Houser a sloppy wet-one!

This entry was posted on Monday, October 23, 2006 at 9:50 AM.