Upload Lands on TechEBlog
Thursday, March 30, 2006
boy oh boy, a video i uploaded to youtube was recently embedded in a techEblog article about cell factor and the physx card. free buzz!
wow i'm pathetic.
wow i'm pathetic.
New Message Boards!
Monday, March 27, 2006
yay! these don't suck half as much as those freakin hyperboards! they're still free too!
link's to the right, or click here. i wanted the forums to look more like this, but unfortunately the free ones aren't all that up to date. still running 1.3, when a sophisticated template like that one requires atleast 2.1. oh well, when the ad money starts coming in, and we get a legit domain and hosting that supports such silliness, then there will be a modified version of that template running as our forums. til then, shit, they're still invision powerboards!
Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Sunday, March 26, 2006
when i first saw a video for bethesda's massive 360 first person rpg, i was interested. it had fancy swordplay in gorgeous environments and suits of armour... what's not to love? i found out when it arrived via gamefly.
starting up, i'm introduced to a hideously ugly face. this is my character. i guess making him look like he has "down's" is incentive to mess around with their amazingly detailed character creation system. i find that even though it is extensive and the options are endless, every character i make looks like he's staring at his reflection in a "vom" filled toilet after a night of binging on mead. i decide to make him a redguard with a huge supafly fro, and name him "jim beam" after what the local liquor store clerk insists on calling me; except if i were to spell it like he pronounces it in his heavy mexican accent, it would be "jeeng beeng." no matter what i do, this guy just looks terrible, so i decide to cut it short and procede with the story.
patrick stewart is fantastic as the emperor of tamriel, and his voice-acting puts most to shame. i tend to snort and giggle at all this medieval times dialogue, which probably doesn't help mien case, true believers. the beginning of this game is spent in darkness, as i go from a dungeon cell to goblin and rat infested caves, then yeehaw!, the fucking sewers. even though i hate dungeon crawling in my videogames, at the end of my lightless visit in the world below, i realise that it serves as a perfect training ground and place to build my character. before seeing light for the first time since i booted up, i'm given another chance to get everything straightened up, stats-wise. the class building system certainly puts final fantasy to shame. hear that square? ff's not so fucking great! i build my own class, hustler, combining the best traits of theif, spy, and assassin, creating a smoothtalking conman who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.
i killed a couple of bandits, looted their bodies and campsite, fought a skeleton, forraged for herbs, and stole from the first inn on the road. i pushed my luck, and got caught; paid a fine, got all my stolen shit confiscated, and went into town to do the same damn thing. i got caught once by another innskeeper, and again pick-pocketting an orc and an imperial guard; fought them to my death, stole from copious barrels and crates around town and in the inns, and i even stole from the local church. fuck gta dude, jack thompson should beat his chest over this! i then killed a homeless guy in his sleep, sold some shit, and got caught stealing again in town hall. needless to say, i chose to resist arrest, and in my attempt to run from the authorities, i ran outside. it autosaved with me still wanted by the guardsmen and low on health, and no matter what i did, i was no match for the authorities. it became an endless loop of death. that's when i sighed a reluctant, "fuck it" and sealed it in the gamefly return envelope.
even with the whole "tap A while it boots" thing, i found my entire experience to be filled with loading times, as well as dropping framerate regularly, which for most other games would be the kiss of next gen death; yet oblivion is so engaging, even though it bothered me, i pressed on. i wanted to see what was over the next hill, behind the next door. time flew, and i was having fun.
verdict: 8.7/10; this is easily the most enjoyable rpg on the market. here's hoping mass effect blows it away.
starting up, i'm introduced to a hideously ugly face. this is my character. i guess making him look like he has "down's" is incentive to mess around with their amazingly detailed character creation system. i find that even though it is extensive and the options are endless, every character i make looks like he's staring at his reflection in a "vom" filled toilet after a night of binging on mead. i decide to make him a redguard with a huge supafly fro, and name him "jim beam" after what the local liquor store clerk insists on calling me; except if i were to spell it like he pronounces it in his heavy mexican accent, it would be "jeeng beeng." no matter what i do, this guy just looks terrible, so i decide to cut it short and procede with the story.
patrick stewart is fantastic as the emperor of tamriel, and his voice-acting puts most to shame. i tend to snort and giggle at all this medieval times dialogue, which probably doesn't help mien case, true believers. the beginning of this game is spent in darkness, as i go from a dungeon cell to goblin and rat infested caves, then yeehaw!, the fucking sewers. even though i hate dungeon crawling in my videogames, at the end of my lightless visit in the world below, i realise that it serves as a perfect training ground and place to build my character. before seeing light for the first time since i booted up, i'm given another chance to get everything straightened up, stats-wise. the class building system certainly puts final fantasy to shame. hear that square? ff's not so fucking great! i build my own class, hustler, combining the best traits of theif, spy, and assassin, creating a smoothtalking conman who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.
i killed a couple of bandits, looted their bodies and campsite, fought a skeleton, forraged for herbs, and stole from the first inn on the road. i pushed my luck, and got caught; paid a fine, got all my stolen shit confiscated, and went into town to do the same damn thing. i got caught once by another innskeeper, and again pick-pocketting an orc and an imperial guard; fought them to my death, stole from copious barrels and crates around town and in the inns, and i even stole from the local church. fuck gta dude, jack thompson should beat his chest over this! i then killed a homeless guy in his sleep, sold some shit, and got caught stealing again in town hall. needless to say, i chose to resist arrest, and in my attempt to run from the authorities, i ran outside. it autosaved with me still wanted by the guardsmen and low on health, and no matter what i did, i was no match for the authorities. it became an endless loop of death. that's when i sighed a reluctant, "fuck it" and sealed it in the gamefly return envelope.
even with the whole "tap A while it boots" thing, i found my entire experience to be filled with loading times, as well as dropping framerate regularly, which for most other games would be the kiss of next gen death; yet oblivion is so engaging, even though it bothered me, i pressed on. i wanted to see what was over the next hill, behind the next door. time flew, and i was having fun.
verdict: 8.7/10; this is easily the most enjoyable rpg on the market. here's hoping mass effect blows it away.
Metroid Prime: Multiplayer Impressions
i have a sneaking suspicion this game is better suited for the dslite. while permanently fusing my right hand into a hook, i realised that a bigger stylus and higher dpad would keep this game's frantic wifi multiplayer fun, and not hideously painful. then i remembered that i was broke, so i could get no dslite. even if i had the cash, i'd have to wait for it to come available again, plus i have a feeling i should stop importing all my portables (white ds and psp, famicom gbamicro).
even though this game's wifi system is much more advanced than mario kart's, i have only been able to find one person matches, and i always get creamed. i'll be honest, i am pretty foreign to the metroid prime series. i played metroid and super metroid growing up and loved them. i was sort of late to the whole gamecube thing for a while, so i missed the hubbub over the first two prime games. i rented them both, and found them to be lackluster shooters. i know there are a shit-ton of nin'do fanboys that would like nothing better than to rip my throat out and shit in my bloody neck-hole, but it's my opinion. i love most of the nintendo titles for gcn, except for maybe f-zero and animal crossing. oh boy, here we go again.
hunters was a different experience than the first two primes, mainly because even though it didn't look better than the gamecube variety, it played better. even with a unified wifi system in its infancy, slightly better than 64 bit graphics, and an uncomfortable control setup, metroid prime: hunters' multiplayer is alot of fun. i mean, atleast every face button is jump. it could have been much worse. i'm really looking forward to seeing what they do with ds shooters in the progressing years.
verdict: 8.5/10; buy it with your dslite. until then, save yourself the arthritis meds.
even though this game's wifi system is much more advanced than mario kart's, i have only been able to find one person matches, and i always get creamed. i'll be honest, i am pretty foreign to the metroid prime series. i played metroid and super metroid growing up and loved them. i was sort of late to the whole gamecube thing for a while, so i missed the hubbub over the first two prime games. i rented them both, and found them to be lackluster shooters. i know there are a shit-ton of nin'do fanboys that would like nothing better than to rip my throat out and shit in my bloody neck-hole, but it's my opinion. i love most of the nintendo titles for gcn, except for maybe f-zero and animal crossing. oh boy, here we go again.
hunters was a different experience than the first two primes, mainly because even though it didn't look better than the gamecube variety, it played better. even with a unified wifi system in its infancy, slightly better than 64 bit graphics, and an uncomfortable control setup, metroid prime: hunters' multiplayer is alot of fun. i mean, atleast every face button is jump. it could have been much worse. i'm really looking forward to seeing what they do with ds shooters in the progressing years.
verdict: 8.5/10; buy it with your dslite. until then, save yourself the arthritis meds.
GDC, the Lesser E3
behold: cell factor and crysis gameplay videos. i'm really looking forward to these two first person shooters. i wish them all the success in the world. i might even have to go out and buy the ageia physx card for that first game alone. when i was a tester for advent rising, i got completely ignored, apparently, because this is a first person version of what i suggested that game should be. see guys? you ignore testers and you get to release something utterly unplayable. game producers are such primadonnas. you hear me infogrames, you french bastards.
(**thanks to gametrailers for the footage. if their whole popup media player system wasn't so farked, i'd just link directly to the videos. oh well.**)
Metal Gear Solid: Multiplayer Live-Blog
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
5:45pm
the game is in my hands, and it looks beautiful. but king of the hill is on in fifteen minutes. the game can wait. bobby hill will not.
6:30pm
i'm inviting alex over. he's still pretty sick, but he's going to go pick up the game in a few minutes. atleast i won't be alone online.
7:00pm
king of the hill is over. the okami demo is in the latest opm, and i've been dying to try it out. i'll squeeze in a little japanese painting wolf game before i hop online in mgs.
7:30pm
opm sucks balls. the demo timed out in the middle of explaining what this sword thing was. i soooo want okami to just eat that bouncing fairy...
8:00pm
well okami is awesome, but neither of my metal gear solid discs fucking work. they are stuck on an endless menu loop. i'm gonna shit in the mouth of whoever let this bullshit happen. it goes to the camo splash screen of snake disarming a guy, and tells me to hit the start button. i do, and it brings me to a screen with options. i select an option, and it reroutes me to the splash screen. times fucking infinity. this is a huge letdown. i feel like killing, crying, throwing up, or a little bit of all three.
8:15pm
i get a call from alex. i tell him my problem, and since he's had more "metal-gearsperience" than i have, he tells me kojima-san kept the japanese control scheme, where circle is confirm and x is cancel. i slap my forehead, and realise that my import white psp is the same. of course, america had to change it, because we are stupid roundeyes who can't handle the concept of x meaning cancel. damn you hideo, for being so effing rad.
8:30pm
i am set up, and logged on. at the moment there are over 2000 players plying online, 982 in the "snake" server alone. i start it up, get my controls right, and i'm completely and utterly lost.
9:00pm
i'm never live blogging again. it sounded like a good idea for this, but i should have just recapped. this shit is so lame, i see why nobody reads them. anyway, i've finally got most of the little nuances, but i'm still getting creamed. i've killed my share of reds, but nonetheless, if this game were ranked, i'd be in the negatives. unc_tarheel has found a sweet little hising spot, and he's been sniping our team off every round. i'm hiding in a cardboard box at the moment. this is just too fucking cool.
11:00pm
so i just tried team deathmatch, the frog thing, and now sneaking mission. they are all totally worth the low price of this game. as a guy who didn't beat metal gear solid 2, didn't play metal gear solid, and waited til now to play metal gear solid 3, i must say i'm quite impressed. the camera still perplexes me, as you don't aim with it at all. after a while i got used to it, but it's still a little wacky. it feels just like metal gear solid. multiplayer gets an A- from me. as a multiplayer game, it's not that great, but as a multiplayer metal gear solid game, it's well done. what can i say? it's fun. so far i haven't experienced a bit of lag, and the online modes and options are varied and many. if only for the persistence disc, i'd say go for it. the price, at around $29.99, is a bargain for this and the original game.
overall: 9.5/10; you will either love it right away, or learn to.
YouTube Sweetness
i put up a few more game related videos on youtube, but i don't feel like taking up an entire page with embeds. how about you guys just swing on by, and check out shiggy and ancel's knighting in france, two tetris commercials (ds and nes), and even a few crazy videos, like trained japanese goldfish and flies, and even some jackass drinking a bottle of ipecac. i even uploaded the sought after natalie portman rap from snl, as well as another andy samburg skit, young chuck norris.
**both snl skits were removed by nbc's lawyers, because they are humongous cocksuckers. they can go fuck themselves.**
Gamespot Silliness
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
gamespot's acting quite farked, like usual. they give the outfit a 6.7 (fair) yet it's plastered all over the front home page, on the top and sides. grow some balls to turn down advertising for the game you just game a shit score guys. this is exactly the reason the anti-fanboy exists.
Driver Commercial
here's a bit of nostalgia, since today is the day that driver: parrallel lines is released. i'll get my final copy in a few days, but from what i've played of it til now, the driving is solid, and feels more like driver: wheelman than driv3r. that's very good. the story and characters sound cool, with it taking place in the seventies in new york. great soundtrack so far, and the cars look fantastic. high hopes!
so here's the commercial for driver: the wheelman for playstation one. it's got huggy bear baby! and a theme i had caught in my head until i bought it. then i pretty much vegged for hours in front of the tv, getting the cops to chase me for hours, until they flipped my car. always fun. i hope they leave in the crazy cheats from wheelman, like freight train physics and crazy suspension!
PSP Ads Infect Everything
everywhere i look, i see their annoying little psp ads. so far i've found them on ign, 1up, beloved kotaku, and i found an entire myspace profile for their corporate vandalism campaign including wallpapers for their children of the psporn. they are about to put their girlfriend's "white bits" on their psps. as for their enigmatic name, i think it suggests that your psp can sustain you. i can't wait until they actually put up a poster next to some homeless people in manhattan that says, "psp. it's all you need to live."
Be A Game Designer!
uploaded by me for your convenience. feel free to spread this venereal slice of ad-nauseum throughout the inter-web.
Join the Anti-Fanboys at 1up
god, i hate 1up's halfassed blog/club system. it's not a proper anything, really. i hope they aren't paying anyone for it, because on the description of your effing club, you can't even put in a link. you can't even change the description if it looks retarded. on the blog, they have no formatting buttons, and simply "hints" on the side as to what code you should enter.
but, if you are a member of the 1up network, and a reader of this fine review site, then by all means, please join our club. see, that's what my people, the african americans do. we take the snout and the gibblets and cook up somethin' delicious! just so you know, i have extreme vitteligo. like michael jackson, if he had only one surgery and didn't molest children.
Hit our G-Spot
...as in hit us up on gmail, or register in the forums, or add us as a freind on 1up or myspace. i updated the right side of the site with a features and cross promotions menu, even including our uploads on youtube and flickr. it may change soon, with additions or subtractions, whathaveyou. as miss cleo used to say, "eet's ahll en de cyards".
We Got Ripped Off
Monday, March 13, 2006
http://www.tranism.com/weblog/archives/2006/03/ps3_shoulda_bee.html
same concept designs, three days later than our sony article. ridiculous.
the least he could do is link us.
**fixed: man, i was so pissed off i broke title syntax.**
same concept designs, three days later than our sony article. ridiculous.
the least he could do is link us.
**fixed: man, i was so pissed off i broke title syntax.**
Ten Things We Hate About Sony
Friday, March 10, 2006
it's not that i hate sony... or their playstation division. there are just certain things they do that piss me off. it's not so bad that i'd do anything destructive; throw a pie at a press conference the very worst. all of it gets me into heated discussions with freinds and family about how they are slowly fucking themselves. i have owned every playstation they put out, even my phone and camera are from them. i'm in playstation's gamer advisory panel for godssake! before i plunked down 300 bucks for an ipod, i spent 150 on their minidisc player. i should have bought the ipod in the first place. sony's success has gone to their heads, hubris has become madness, and now they've become the new microsoft. these days in the next-gen console wars, the xbox 360 is the underdog everyone is rooting for. nobody's rooting for sony, and you know why?
obnoxious marketing / advertising campaigns
minidisc, memory stick, umd, blu-ray, etc...
ken kutaragi
hype
no unified online service
homebrew castrating updates
"revolution killer"
pre-launch price gouging
spider-man movie font
ps3's design
Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 360
Thursday, March 09, 2006
yeah, i'm not gonna sugar coat it... this game is fuckin awesome. once you play through the first few levels, then hop online (where i am at the moment) the controls feel organic, natural, almost instinctual. for most of the time i was playing, i felt completely immersed; right up until i got nailed by a sniper. i gotta hand it to the dev team at ubisoft, whenever you die and spawn back in, the enemies aren't always in the same place they were before. it keeps you on your toes, frosty. the game looks beautiful, with a spectacular draw distance (online a sniper on one end of the junkyard level can peck off the other team as they spawn... yikes!). i really don't have any gripes with this game. the online play is the best on 360 yet (minimal lag, no disconnects so far) and i haven't run into any annoying little kids either. the game is solid, pretty, and most definitely next gen. it was worth the wait, and of all the games on the 360 so far, ghost recon 3 is the most worthy or your hard earned sixty.
verdict: 9.5/10; if you're going to buy two 360 titles, make it this one and burnout.
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