i wonder what keeps olympic curlers from blowing off the back of their skull with a shotgun. as i flipped through the usual channels early this morning, (the digital cable's guide has no program data again) i happened across curling on usa. i know it's this time honored tradition, and nbc (who owns usa network) has bought the license for the olympics every year, but as i watched grown men in an empty stadium yelling orders at eachother while they feverishly broomed a rock down an icy alley, i wanted to ask them if they were happy with their life. all you cubicle workers, dreading your next day in a grey walled office building, can tell yourselves, "hey, atleast i didn't dedicate my life to curling."


even more despicable than the fact that curling is an olympic sport is the fact that it has commentators. commentators that commentate on EVERYTHING. it's not enough that i just saw a swedish guy SCREAMING at the rock he just slid across the ice, they have to fill me in on what i'm (sadly) watching. if i were one of the guys in that booth, i'd try a little autoerotic asphyxiation. atleast when they found me dead, i'd be smiling. you may ask why i hate curling so much; well, it is not a real sport. it requires no athleticism, and minimal skill. see, bowling requires more coordination and skill than curling, as you don't need two buddies to steer your bowling ball post throw. bocce ball requires more skill, and old sicillians play that after they eat, drink, and fuck. these guys TRAIN for years to get to this point in their failure of a life. congratulations, swedish hairlip guy, you've wasted what could have been a productive, cancer curing life. who am i kidding? you'd probably just molest a pony. naaaaay indeed.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 16, 2006 at 5:17 AM.