the anti-fanboy : honest game reviews

...And We're Back!

2007-01-07T01:16:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone out there across this crazy series of tubes had a fantastic holiday. We sure did. I went out to Jersey to visit my Dad. Expecting a "White Christmas", I was surprised to find that the temperatures in the North East United States matched those back home in Los Angeles. When we went into the city, we had dinner outside in Little Italy in freaking December. I guess Al Gore had a point. Some of my better pictures from my trip can be found here, or you can click the link at the bottom of this post. Click here, on the header, or below for a Flickr gallery of us going a little gung-ho with Alex's Wii*.

To christen the first post of the New Year, we have our own brand of YouTube silliness below. The first one is a glitch we caught on film in Gears of War. Fun game, but your teammate's AI is pretty buggy. "Get the fuck out of the way Dom!" Here, our partner in chainsaw gunning takes a little time to boogie down. The other video is kind of self explanatory...

Have a great 2007 everyone! We'll be bringing you more reviews and other quality content soon!

Pictures from the New York Trip
Wii went a little nuts

*Laser eyes may or may not in fact simply be red eye.

Fa-LaLa-LaLa-La-La-La

2006-12-25T09:09:00.000-08:00

...La.

Merry Christmas, true believers! Hope you woke up this morning to whatever the hell you asked for. I've got a party to go to today, just wishing all our readers a happy holiday season. Shalom, Salaam, and Amen.

Let's Do Launch

2006-11-21T22:54:00.000-08:00

Alex Camped Out For the Wii
This is old news, but we just put up a Flickr album with pictures from the Best Buy parking lot.

Flickr Album

Go Penguin, It's Your Birthday...

2006-11-21T01:53:00.000-08:00

The Anti-Fanboy Celebrates Its One Year Anniversary!

One year ago today, two punk kids, a japanese girl and a penguin started a revolution. Fed up with misleading game reviews, they started The Anti-Fanboy, a site dedicated to letting people know what games they should spend half a Benjamin on. Three hundred and sixty-five days later, our articles are longer, better written, and have capital letters. We started on one console launch and are still going strong after two more. Our readership is much larger, our layout is a whole lot prettier, and I'm a whole lot broker. Here's to many more anniversaries, many more articles, and many more readers.

What's New Pussycat?

2006-11-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

No New Posts Make Me a Sad Panda

I've gotten some reader responses lately to the tune of "Hey guys, are you still posting?" The easy answer is yes. The explanation isn't. Week after week articles go un-posted, and I won't lie to you, it's all my fault. As editor (founder, writer, etc) I have to keep the quality of posts higher than a lot of other blogs and review sites, so most of the time good posts are given the axe. Whether the reason is timing (Splinter Cell, Vice City Stories and Gears of War's reviews), relevance (no more posts about Brownie Bites, I promise) or coherence (most of our articles are written around 2-6 am), lots of articles never make the front page. But I think keeping those posts off the front page is what keeps readers coming back. If we posted any little thing that came into our heads without a run through QA, we'd compromise the integrity, quality, and professionalism (what little we have) in doing so. And dammit, Janet, we got scruples. Once our time frees up (especially this Holiday season) expect a torrent of activity over here at the good 'ol AFB. We strive to be the last bastion of hope in a world filled with bloggers paid to post, games journalists pandering to their advertisers, and critics who don't want to burn bridges.

Other things to look forward to: "AFB[TV]". The newly revamped streaming video site is being redesigned from the ground up. Channels include game videos, movie trailers, music videos, original and user submitted content. The layout we're working on resembles a cross between the security room at the mall and that white room with all the monitors from the Matrix sequels. Very clean, very organized, with the same look as the homepage. New message boards are also in the works, so don't bother with these. For updates on the big... updates, contact us with the subject line, "AFB Mailing List". We promise not to spam you. Honest Injun.

Fall Television Rant

2006-11-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

My Thoughts On The New Fall Shows
I always feel dirty when I take a liking to any shows on network television. CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX have seen to it to cancel any show I'm remotely interested in, halfway through the season. It happened to Freaks & Geeks, Firefly, Wonder-Falls, and I'll admit I even got sucked into John Doe. They barely get a chance while reality shows about marrying midgets for money, spoiled yuppie douche-bags eating gross things and ugly girls getting plastic surgery are renewed over and over, and awful sitcoms starring fat, failed comedians with un-realistically hot wives last to the point where they recycle their own material. I swore after they canceled Family Guy and renewed the Simpsons for another shitty season that I wouldn't stray below channel 31. I just couldn't have my heart broken again.

Lo-and-behold I found new shows on these upper channels, ones that were better than anything on network television, and not only were they given a fair chance, they proved network execs wrong and excelled. Shows like Rescue Me, Nip/Tuck, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Shield, Battlestar Galactica, Eureka and Monk would have been canned on network in a heartbeat, but they now have growing audiences that return week after week, loyal and entertained. Monk floundered when it was first on ABC, and was canceled. USA snatched it up and now it's their flagship show (with much better writing and production values). What amazes me is that these basic cable channels are becoming more successful than their parent networks, Fox and NBC.

FX started as an experimental channel, showing the occasional movie and the original programming was geared toward the average suburban housewife. Now it's completely changed into a groundbreaking network playing shows you'd expect to be on HBO or Showtime, albeit with more f-bombs and full frontal. Fox has the War at Home. If they keep House (one of the best shows on TV) they'll be on the right track at least. USA and Sci-Fi were purchased by NBC, who promptly led a multi-million dollar overhaul on all three networks. While Sci-Fi mostly stayed the same, it was given a much bigger budget for original programming. USA got the TBS treatment, picking what type of programming they wanted it to have from that point forward and sticking to their guns. NBC started taking chances (finally) after Friends' ridiculous run, and took on a few new shows. Good for them.

Heroes and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip were two big chances that are paying off. They both have excellent writing (especially the latter) and are different enough to give their programming lineup a diverse, fresh new start. Picking up Friday Night Lights and 30 Rock this close to the launching of the first two was a huge mistake, though. 'Lights is a decent enough show, but it doesn't flow well next to any of the other shows. There's a difference between diverse programming and a show just not fitting in. 30 Rock is another show about SNL with a two decimal number in the title. Comparing 30 Rock and Studio 60 is like comparing Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn to Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis. They are both great books in their own way, but are so different they should never be in the same sentence, much less the same season. Studio 60 was almost canceled (due to scheduling problems) but this last week had the rest of the season ordered. It's nice to see the powers that be grew a pair and realized just how biased Nielsen ratings are (it's a flawed system, but I'll get to that later). Heroes got off to a great start, but like Lost, Twin Peaks, and countless other shows, it has gone from interesting to non-sequitur. Let's hope they turn this around, because with Jeph Loeb producing and Tim Sale doing the infamous "future paintings", it has the potential to blow us away.

As for the Fall shows on the upper channels, Man vs Wild and Rob & Big have me snared. Bear Grylls, the star and consultant of Discovery Channel's Man vs Wild is quite possibly the coolest person on earth. Unlike previous shows where a moron strands himself in harsh terrain with nothing but a camera crew and emergency supplies, Bear's approach is as if you were stranded with him, and while you watch him find shelter and sustenance on his way to civilization and extraction, he teaches you everything from what to look for to how to climb. He was in various Foreign Legions, Special Forces, and he speaks with a cool British accent, so while brutal, it's quite the enjoyable experience. I've always loved Gary Paulsen-type situations, so I love it. It's amazing how these beautiful landscapes can be so harsh and unforgiving. The show in a nutshell is like a cross between going on a tour with a guide who knows everything about the location (and tells you everything) and half-way through you get stranded and find out he's a total badass survivalist. If he wore a fedora and fought Nazis he'd be Indiana Jones.

Rob & Big, MTV's newest reality show doesn't fit the bill of reality show. It has no ridiculously contrived drama, overt racism, lewd sexuality, or cat-fights. It's a look into the friendship between skateboarder and DC Shoes mogul Rob Dyrdek and his bodyguard and long time com-panda Chris "Big Black" Boykin. It's pretty much my dream to get wealthy doing something I love and in turn have a big black bodyguard/buddy. I'd have to come up with a clever nickname for him, and since "Chocolate Bear" is taken, I guess my dream is never to be. But you can watch Rob and Big get into all sorts of monkeyshines and shenanigans without unnecessary drama, thanks to show producer and Jackass alum Jeff Tremain. The show's got a nice flow to it, keeping things everyday but not boring without staging events (like Dane Cook's god-awful Tourgasm). I hope they keep up the good work. It's a funny show about real people who are buddies. Gotta love it.

Avoid LIKE THE ~~PLAGUE~~ SIMPLE LIFE "House of Carters". I swear to you, you'll spiral into a deep dark hole that you just can't climb out of. You'll tear your hair out wondering just how the hell this family of ugly, talentless, spoiled wiggers not only got their magnificent home, a show on E!, millions of dollars and the virginity of both Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan, but somehow manage not to choke on their own crap as they eat it, because these people are sub-monkey. Thinking about them makes me vomit a little. The first time I saw the show I thought Kevin Federline had a litter. I just know it was mentioned somewhere in the Geneva Convention.

Hopefully television will get better. Nielsen families are supposedly picked at random, but they are in fact centrally located along the Bible Belt in the South and in the most rural, conservative sections of the Midwest. It's the reason Jim Belushi's show is still on the air. For some reason these Red State Puritans are dead set against any foul language or healthy sexuality, but they eat up CSI. They freak out if anyone on television takes the Lord's name in vain, yet they glue their eyes to the screen whenever a hooker's arterial spray paints the walls. Hell, they'll stick around during the autopsy.

The Fat Lady Just Lik-Sang

2006-10-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

(Heart) Breaking News: Sony Kills Lik-Sang
I'm just on a roll with the clever titles tonight. And Sony's on a roll with the douchebaggery lately. Lik-Sang.com, the favorite import video game site of myself, Jim, and many other gamers, is no longer in business. Sony claimed that by selling PSPs from Asia to customers in Europe, Lik-Sang infringed its trade marks, copyright and registered design rights. Unfortunately, the High Court of London agreed. I don't know why they went after Lik-Sang instead of one of the many other, less cool import sites. Guess I'll have to get Jump Ultimate Stars from Play-Asia now. Lamez0r.

Source: Lik-Sang.com

Sit On It, Potsie

2006-10-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Bully" Review
This game almost didn't get released due to all the negative press and boycotts from ignorant parent groups and media stories. Every fight Rockstar is in has been a one-sided argument. They tend to do what they want anyway, but whiny ignoramuses make things difficult for them. Even more recently the gaming community has seemingly turned on them. Suddenly Rockstar is the new Microsoft. I don't get it.

Don't worry parents. As a man who plays video games for a living, I can tell you that Bully is tamer than Tony Hawk. At least those shit-fest "Underground" games. It's also a better influence, if your child is enough of a dumb-fuck to imitate fictional characters in his everyday socio-pathic life. 15 year old Jimmy Hopkins is a much better role model than Bam Margera, a guy who makes millions torturing his parents and generally being a destructive asshole. Bully reminds me of my childhood, Elementary through High School. All the classic archetypes are there: the meat-headed jocks, the pompous preppies, the unstable bullies, the delusional nerds and the over-reacting greasers. It's a bit of an amalgam of different childhood experiences and characters, and other than a reference to the Internet, it's not set in any specific time period. No matter how old you are, you'll enjoy the hell out of Bully, simply for nostalgia 'sake.

In classic Rockstar fashion, the story, characters, and atmosphere are all crafted particularly well. Playing the game feels like watching a movie, and their award-worthy textures bring the characters and settings to life. The game begins in Autumn, showing off the gorgeous foliage on campus. Birds settle on power lines, crimson leaves sprinkle down from the trees above, and the world feels genuine. In a few days you start to see Halloween decorations pepper the campus, and soon you're embroiled in one of the best missions in the game, Halloween night pranks. Two chapters along and you're waking up to snow on the ground and icicles hanging from every surface. While campus is beautiful, the real magic lies waiting outside school grounds.

Surrounding (New England's?) Bullworth Academy are three towns, a sleepy waterfront with a boardwalk carnival, a wealthy suburb, and a blue-collar industrial town. All are unique but blend together magically. They feel radically different from the campus, as if you're stepping into the real world. It's almost a shame to have to go back to class. Good thing you can ditch. If you do, however, there are fitting consequences (just like in reality) you have to make up the work you missed, and in the time you were away you missed out on vital upgrades to your various skills. While off campus during classes, you also have to watch out for prefects and cops who will drag you in for being truant. Prefects and police officers will haul you in for any type of mischief you cause anyhow (just like in reality) so you have to behave around them, try and stay out of trouble, and keep your "!" meter down. You can do this by running away, going back to your dormitory, or hiding in trashcans and lockers.

When you pass up on a fight and run toward the nearest prefect, the bullies chasing you will walk the other way. When you solve problems by talking people down instead of duking it out, you avoid negative attention and might even make a friend. Most of your missions involve rescuing or escorting someone who's being bullied. Of course, some have you running in with a bad crowd (Gary) where you are pressured into causing trouble, but as our buzz-cut sporting hero says at the end of Chapter 1, "Stop picking on weak, defenseless kids. There are plenty of kids at Bullworth that deserve a good beating." "I only mess with those who have it coming to them." These aren't verbatim, but are the basic principles of the game. ...See Jackie-boy? This game punishes you for bad deeds and rewards you for good ones! Would you like some milk to wash down that crow you're eating?

Jimmy may say that Bullworth is the "worst school ever" but the truth is that most schools are as terrible as his, and some are much worse. The truth is, the smaller the school the bigger the assholes. You can get away with keeping to yourself at a big school, but it will still be a shit-hole. Truth is I've lived through most of Bully myself, except the language is much cleaner in the game, and my versions usually include drugs, alcohol, and weapons much more dangerous than a slingshot and a bag of marbles. Fights took place in "The Glen," which is conveniently located straight shot from the local Police Department and Hospital. It was like a gladiator's arena, secluded by trees with just enough visible from the bridge and sidewalk to make it a perfect little gladiator's coliseum. Just add lions and Christians.

The entire game is like a wonderful patchwork of previous Rockstar games. The fighting system is quite obviously an adapted, improved version of the one used in The Warriors, the cutscenes, map, biking, character customization, property ownership and hideout collection (after you complete a certain mission, a keepsake will show up in your room ala Vice City) are all here and improved from GTA, and overall the entire game feels very polished. As Rockstar's last current generation outing, it certainly does not disappoint.

The VO work and character animations are excellent, and I swear to God I know Gary. Of course, he went by different names and forms throughout my childhood, and he always got me into trouble. Gary is the first person you really get to know at Bullworth, and after offering to be your friend and showing you around, he manages to manipulate and set you up. Again, it reminds me of so many kids throughout my life, starting with Brian in second grade- ...anyway, he becomes your main antagonist, always three steps ahead of you, spreading lies and slander to the people you're trying to break bread with. As our cool-headed hero assures us, he'll get what's coming to him. And oh boy, he does.

In conclusion, Bully has turned from a potential Hot Coffee-size controversy to one of the best games I have ever played. You'd be a fool not to at least give it a try, even if you profess online to supposedly hating Rockstar Games and everything they develop. It's a coming of age story, one filled with frustration, exclusion, awkwardness, acceptance, and even romance. Bully is definitely the funniest game of the year, and shows that despite all the bad press and bad hype ignorant mouthpieces have been spouting about it with nothing to go on but the words "Rockstar Games" and "Bully", a gaming masterpiece can be produced without caving.

Overall: Perfect 10; Bully is one of the best games I have ever played. This is a definite buy.

PS: You can kiss a boy Jackie-baby! Fulfill your deepest, darkest desire to give Sam Houser a sloppy wet-one!

Thank God for Lego

2006-10-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Earth Shattering News: Top Gear Presenter Richard Hammond Nearly Died
You guys know we don't post news unless it's really big or important... at least to us. We aren't huge politicos and this isn't a political site, so we don't post about the war, who we're going to vote for next month, rising gas prices, global warming, scary Christian fundamentalists, or even Republican underage cyber-sex. However, when we almost lose Richard Hammond, co-presenter on Top Gear and host of Braniac, we must report it. Top Gear is a show on the BBC dedicated to awesome fucking cars and pushing them past all sorts of speed limits. It's presented somewhat like Masterpiece Theater meets Formula One, and we love the shit out of it. You've probably seen it on the Discovery Channel or viewed clips of it on Google Video. It's the only show featuring charming Brits driving ridiculously expensive cars at speeds that make racing enthusiasts' pants tight. It's one of the few shows that make us bite our fists in awesome-tude. It's a word I made up just for Top Gear. Again, we love Top Gear.

Richard Hammond is the younger of the two presenters, 36 with two kids and a fine human being for his contribution to wicked awesomeness. We almost lost him last month when he veered off course in a 300mph jet-powered car at Elvington airfield near York. Let me repeat that, in case you're like me and you just scan over articles. JET-POWERED CAR. THREE HUNDRED MILES-PER-fucking-HOUR. He was trying to break the land speed record on film when his jet-powered car veered off course, landing him in Leeds Hospital where he was treated for significant brain injuries. On the points system doctors use, (15 is normal, 3 is flatline) he was a three. It was a fifty/fifty chance he'd live.

Thankfully he did, and narrowly avoided having doctors bore a hole in his head to drain blood and reduce the swelling. His wife and children helped him through the ordeal, and an obsession with Lego bricks helped him recover without significant brain damage. Thank God for Lego. Hopefully "The Hamster" will return to Top Gear, as he signed a two year contract with the BBC before the accident. Perhaps next time he'll let the old guy do the crazier shit. We at the Anti-Fanboy wish him a quick recovery and the best of health. Godspeed Hamster.

Source: BBC News UK

Same Game, Different Playstyle

2006-10-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

"Splinter Cell: DA" Multiplayer 360 Impressions
If you've got a 360, go on the Marketplace and download the Double Agent online demo now. You won't regret it, I promise. The first thing you will notice is that there's a small chance you'll find a game that will start perfectly. The first few hours it was available I never even got past the joining message. If I did find a game, the host 6 times out of 10 would end it, and back to the drawing board I would go. Very frustrating, but it is a demo.

The second, and most jaw dropping thing you will notice is the ease of use. Whether you end up with spy or mercenary, the button setup is incredibly simple and the learning curve is about 10 minutes until you're diving and shooting like the best of them. Spies have been disarmed this time around, limiting you to stealthy melee, electronic neutralization, and good old fashioned confusion. Animations are much smoother: every spy moves like a cat burglar with the runs.

Most of what the spies do is run, hide, and use the keypad on their forearm to remotely hack terminals. It's incredibly fun. Simply walking up to a pipe will smoothly transition into an animation of you climbing it, and jumping onto the pipe does the same thing. Again, I cannot stress how smooth it is. For added agility, holding the right bumper when running toward a window, hole in the ceiling tiles, or low vent will allow you to smoothly crash through, climb up, or slide under any of these handy escape routes. Compared to Chaos Theory, these guys are Olympic gold medalists.

Mercenaries are also much better off. Instead of having four different view choices, the motion detector is built into the regular visor and the flashlight can be focused for clarity and discretion. A drone is also available for getting into those hard to reach places, and it comes equipped with a fairly deadly self destruct. Ammo is unlimited, but grenades and drones aren't, so you'll have to visit the briefing room (spawn) to refill.

Looking forward to seeing more when Double Agent is released later this month.

School Days, Fool Days

2006-09-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

Due to my educational incarceration, I will not be posting as frequently as I usually do. I've witnessed a large drop in page views and visits since the posts became few and far. I'll try to remedy this soon, but right now I am without computer (video card walked off a short pier) and until I can sit down and type out the best I can, there won't be many new posts. Believe me, you'll know when I'm back. Our domain host (Synced.org, owned by Mike) has shut its doors, and I'm still trying to figure out if my hosting will be gone forever. With it went our header and dot-com redirect, so you'll want to keep the ".blogspot" in there for a bit. Also, Mike and Alan are busy at college as well and Alex is in the middle of assembling a new PC. Consider this fall vacation. Check back soon, articles are in the process of being written!

Wiicked Awesome News

2006-09-15T03:07:00.000-07:00

Mark November 19th (of this year) down on your calendars gamers... the Nintendo Wii will launch on that beautiful Sunday for $250 retail. Join your most conveniently local game shop's online newsletter (EB/Gamestop) to be told exactly when they start accepting pre-orders. I know Alex and I are launch day adopters. Too many great games to wait until the next shipment.

Alex Update: apparently the great curly one has changed his mind on getting it launch day, seeing as how it only comes in white for $50 more than he had planned. Seriously, I don't care, but he does, so... I guess he'll be playing ExciteTruck over here for a while. Me, I like white. He wanted green or red. White matches my iPod and 360, so I'm fine with it.

We Heart MAME!

2006-09-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

Growing up in Northern New Jersey, there were few things to do outside your own home worth two shits and a whistle. One sleet ridden Winter in 1996, my freinds and I lost the only genuine arcade in the Glen Ridge/Bloomfield/Montclair area. For a bunch of ten-year-olds who lived video games, this had might as well have been a death sentence. Sure, we had our Nintendos and Playstations, but nothing can replace Street Fighter or Time Crisis.

The place was run by a neat-freak Korean manager who would wipe down all the sticks, buttons and knobs every day, so the place was never that greasy or stinky. New games came in regularly, and there was always the welcome din of pinball chimes and laser blasts. We formed a petition to save the arcade and told all our schoolmates about it, but nothing could change its dire fate. When it closed, our choices were down to the paltry selections offered by the local Pizza Hut, movie theater, Chuck-E-Cheese, or seediest of ghetto arcades (where we'd probably get molested and killed).

I've tried MAME (multiple arcade machine emulator) before, but due to the somewhat... curvy learning curve, I never got far. I'm definitely not new to emulators, but MAME was always a bit out of my league. Recently I decided I had the time and patience to decipher it, and with a simple Googling and a few torrents, I was the proud owner of the greatest arcade in the world, sans the atmosphere. This article is for all the newbies out there, the good intentioned chaps who stuck their toe in the water and found it too cold to jump in. For those already in the loop, consider this a thank you note to the geniuses who provide the public with a source of perfect arcade game emulation. So just what do we heart so much about MAME?

Lossless Translation: whenever a home console gets a port of an old arcade game, their biggest hurdle is trying to get the little bastard to run smoothly. "Why?" you may ask, "didn't these games run perfectly on much older, less advanced hardware?" The answer is a resounding yes-- sort of. Truth is, though the hardware inside the cabinets was about as advanced as your dad's dusty KayPro, every bit & byte of it was made for a specific task: running said game. That's why when you got lag in Metal Slug back in the day, you knew you were really pushing pixels. So how come the Xbox 360 can't run Street Fighter II without a ten gallon barrel of programming elbow grease and a few dozen hiccups? Because the 360 is multitasking. Don't ask me how MAME does a better job on my computer while I'm running Firefox Beta 2, BitTorrent, eMule, and WinAmp. It's just one of life's mysteries. I question my existence, religion and authority on a daily basis, but not MAME.

OSo Flexible: No matter what your operating system, you can find a MAME for you. There are binary, Win32, Mac and Linux versions available for download. You can even find versions for the Xbox, Dreamcast, digital cameras and mobile phones. It's an open source program, so whoever desperately wants it to run on their operating system can dig into the source code and program one for theirs, however I've been told that some aren't as stable as others.

Gamera Obscura: since I've been on a healthy MAME diet, I've come across games I never would have under normal circumstances. Not only the ridiculous games that no self respecting arcade owner would carry, but also overseas hits and diamonds in the rough. I've also played games that were just plain rare to find, but spectacular. Garou: Mark of the Wolves, Samurai Shodown II, and Last Blade 2 are some of the best fighting games in the world, but try playing them today without MAME.

Custom Soundtrack: playing "Sly Spy" to the soothing sounds of Sufjan Stevens is not just rife with alliteration, it's also something that made my night. It's the kind of situation that killed the arcade. One of the atmospheric downsides for many was that you could only stand to be in the middle of the noise for so long before you started bleeding from your ears-- I know all the parents at any arcade birthday party situation ran for the hills once inside. The home console came along, and with it came the option of silence from the bleeps and bloops, even though most of us can't play without them. Oop, track's over. Time to play "Burger Time" to Be Your Own Pet.

Endless Quarters: the other day Alex and I almost beat Metal Slug. We got damn close, but he had to go home. It was one of the funnest experiences of my life. Sure, by arcade standards it was cheating, but three minutes into the three hours of ridiculous 2D co-op carnage, we didn't care. We were having a good time, beating one of the biggest quarter consumers ever conceived using teamwork and button mashing. Having trouble bonding with your father or son? Start up a game of Final Fight, pop in your infinity credits, and turn off your cell phone. Don't stop until you kill the cripple with the crossbow and the credits roll. It's cheaper than Six Flags, a strip club, and therapy.

Control the Situation: one thing sorely lacking from console ports of arcade games is the ability to choose your controller and layout. The complaint I constantly hear is that one Street Fighter has a different layout than another Street Fighter. While older arcade games had four attack buttons, later ones had six. MAME is built for control customization. By simply hitting TAB you can change the general control layouts (so every game's keys/buttons are bound the same) or you can bind them for the game you're currently playing only. Once you get your bearings, doing this becomes second nature. In fact, that's a good description of MAME itself. If you already have game pads or joysticks laying about, I highly suggest buying an adapter. They are about $10 on eBay, and you can get one for your PlayStation, Xbox, or N64 controllers. They can fit two per adapter usually, so it's good for playing with freinds. If you have a 360 controller with the usb charger cord, you're good to go. It's all a matter of preference. If you have the space and the money you can get X-Arcade's joystick module, but for the casual MAMEr I suggest a dual shock and an adapter. The analog stick is great for fighting games, the buttons feel right, and it's a safe bet you have a PlayStation 2. Some people build a cabinet, but if you're new to it all, I don't suggest jumping into a project that technical. Wouldn't you much rather sit on your ass and play anyhow?

Unrivaled Community: seriously, who else would compile every classic arcade game for free, devote entire online databases to them, go through three revisions just to get a game right, risk the blue screening of their computer, and give you a ridiculous selection of programs to run them on? The same types of people that make Wikipedia and Digg the places to go for information and news, the people that make game modifications in their spare time, the people who contribute to forum after forum with no reward but a kudos and a post count. These people care about their subject, show it the attention it deserves, and spread the word. You tend to see this community spirit for open source programs. The fact that there are people out there who wish to preserve these sections of my childhood, these works of art-- gives me another reason to wake up in the morning. It's this spirit that made me do something about flip-flopping game reviews instead of just bitching about it. You can call this "Spirit of the Internets" what inspired me start the anti-fanboy in the first place, and what keeps me posting to this day. The hope that the world of games I live in and love won't turn into what Hollywood has become: soulless characters, empty plots, bad acting and vindictive, unreliable reviews.

MAME's proven itself the best gaming solution out there because of its variety, versatility, price, ease and community. There's no reason everyone out there shouldn't have it. If they can make a version to run on an Amiga, it can run on your rig. If you are having trouble understanding the little nuances of MAME, you can find help on Google, or you can learn the bare essentials from the MAME cheat-sheet below.

Download the program from any of the links in the above article. If you didn't read it all the way through, shame on you.
Install/unpack MAME. Put it on the drive with the most space. You'll need it for the roms.
To find roms (game files), I find the best places are either RomNation or RomWorld. They both have the same library, but RW has the fastest process (and the most popups). You can also search for MAME on eMule and get a huge list of roms, sometimes bundled with a decent emulator. I highly suggest downloading them all and sorting them out in the end. Look for ones marked "DVD#_ MAME ROMS PLATINUM COLLECTION". It's your best bet if you want every game known to man.
Install roms. No need to unpack them, simply drop them into your /roms folder. Open your MAME client and "audit all games". This will scan all the roms you have in that folder and tell you how many work. When it's done, you should have a list of all your available games in the MAME client.
I could leave you here, but I'm too nice. At this point, to better tell apart the games in the window, download an icon pack. Mamu's are the best and most comprehensive. Guess which folder they go in. (/icons, dummy)
If you want to use a controller instead of your keyboard, plug your adapter in, wait for the drivers/etc to load and the controller to self install, then restart MAME. Select a game and view its "properties". Under "controllers" check "enable joystick input". Once in-game, hit TAB and bind away!
You should be fine from this point. Tell your freinds about MAME and this article!

All article images compiled & captured by yours truly. Trust me, the header was a huge pain in the ass. Don't steal any of them, please. This whole article, in fact, quite obviously cost me a good night's sleep, so please link to the post or the site if referencing it.

AFB Streaming: Open for Business

2006-09-03T14:20:00.000-07:00

No longer pushing real articles down the page, our streaming video content has moved to its new address. There's also a fantastic new video to christen our new page. Enjoy the Team Fortress 2 GDC06 direct feed trailer, now featuring some hilariously fun gameplay. To visit AFB Streaming you can either click this article's header or the link button in the menu to the right.

Hulk Smash Stereotype!

2006-09-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

Mythos: Hulk Issue One Review
I've never been a follower of the Hulk. Sure, I have the roaring foam Hulk hands, the Incredible Hulk video game and at one time I had Hulk PJs, but I could never get into the stories. It was all mongoloid destruction, and when you're not the one doing it, smashing stuff is not that fun to watch --especially on paper. But not all Hulks are created equal...

Mythos: Hulk caught my eye with Paolo Rivera's brilliant art style, and snared me when I read it. Paul Jenkin's dialog is believable but smart, a hybrid of the classic origin with significantly more fleshed out character drama which has Rivera's emotive character art to thank for. It's like nothing I've seen before; like he sat down and drew out every emotion and facial expression he could think of for each character like they do at Pixar. Every character has their own mannerisms: Bruce is heavily animated, usually having the best art in the book, while General Ross is a stoic mountain of intimidation. Whatever emotion he shows (that's not rage) sneaks its way out from under his cap and mustache.

More than any other Hulk story I've read, Mythos focuses on the frustration with General Ross and uses that as the catalyst for Banner's metamorphosis. Ross is taking away Banner's girl and his project, and nothing he does will make him worthy of Betty. Other books have touched on that, but more than anything the accident is usually the true focus of their origin stories. Mythos decided to give the gamma radiation accident half a page. The less Bruckheimer comic books get the better; that is if they want to gather new audiences. If they continue the series like their premier issue, Mythos: Hulk is going to be a fantastic series.

Preview the comic in cbr format.
Google CDisplay to view it.
If you like it, visit your local comic book shop, loiter a while and buy it.

Prep Your Arteries: Fudgems

2006-08-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

Domino's Pizza is selling brownies with their pizzas. When you buy any large pizza at menu price (put away your coupon sheet, cheapskate) they give you 10 free brownie squares and fudge brownie dipping sauce. FREE BROWNIES, BITCHES!!! This is the third happiest food related moment of my life, right after Bob's Big Boy opening a block away from my apartment and finding my Chewbacca mug. It's not a mug with a picture of Chewy, it's that furry bastard's hollow skull molded in ceramic. Tell me you didn't just shit yourself and I know you're lying. I have an unhealthy addiction to brownies, so I might have to go on the Lindsay Lohan cocaine and vomit diet to keep the fat person smell down.

Inside Man DVD Review

2006-08-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in every boy's life where he contemplates becoming a bank robber, where he can see a few hours of holding a gun to a teller's head turn into an early retirement and a life on the lam in Mexico. Well, maybe not every kid, but it sure was for me. So when I watched Inside Man I must say I was a bit let down. I prefer the shoot-em-up bang-bang bank hold ups where the robber says that cliche line, "We're here for the money, not your lives; so don't be a hero!" Man, just one day I want to say this out loud, but I don't know a decent criminal defense attorney, so I'll probably spend the next day protecting my chocolate starfish from the large African American gentleman sharing my cell.

Inside Man has a few notable headliners; Denzel Washington, Clive Owen, Willem Dafoe and Jodie Foster. Foster attracted my attention the most-- it's been years since she's been in a thriller that's worth a second glance. She plays a high profile fixer, a potentially powerful role that is unfortunately all too brief. She's the one you call when you have a problem that needs to stay a secret. Cool, composed and confidential, she's the perfect counter to Washington's emotional powder keg negotiator. Clive Owen plays the calculating mastermind behind the perfect bank robbery, and he's frighteningly convincing.

In the beginning of the film, several people in painter's outfits reveal themselves as bank robbers. By the way they take care of business, it's apparent they know what they're doing. Clive Owen, the pack leader, does a great job at illuminating just how easy it is to rob a bank (in the movies). I was a bit let down at the amount of action in this movie, I was assuming since Spike Lee was directing we would get to see more of Washington in the limelight, maybe even a shoot out, but instead Denzel stuck out about as much as a midget's third leg: not too far. The real kicker is that they don't steal any money! When you find the real reasons behind the bank robbery you wait for the rest of the movie to get exciting, but that never really happens. It's quietly wrapped up, prematurely if you ask me. In fact, the deeper I go into this review, the less confident I can say this movie is worth a seven (that's why I changed my score right about here to a six).

I rented this movie ready for an exciting heist caper, and returned it feeling gypped. Denzel Washington, Clive Owen, and Jodie Foster in a movie that revolved around a bank robbery? It had to be great. Instead of the rush I expected, I was bored with the false promise of action and the revenge back plot that was never fully explained and ended abruptly-- too many questions were left unanswered.

The Good: Spike Lee is a talented director paired with fantastic actors, and he has a way of portraying the action that does happen with visceral tension and fresh cinematography. The plan and its execution were genius. Clive's character is just so damned cool.

The Bad: I think Spike Lee tried, but maybe the script was not meaty enough. The plot didn't tie the three main characters together very well. The reason for the bank robbery was different, but seemed to be little far fetched.

Verdict: 06/10; go ahead, rent it. You might like it.

Meebo Me! ...Please?

2006-08-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

If you are like me, you spend half of your day browsing the Internet and clicking on every link you can see. I even get error messages from Firefox reading, "Nerd. You overloaded Firefox, stop being a compulsive clicker." A few weeks ago I was clicking around the Internet at the campus library when I noticed another student laughing. "Jeez," I thought, "way to study." Who was I to judge though, I was staring at website that had nothing to do with school. It was at that moment that I almost fell out of my chair and stared in astonishment; could this website I was spying be a web application that allowed you to connect to AIM, MSN, Yahoo Messenger, Jabber, Google Talk and ICQ all in one? "My God," I thought to myself, "Meebo me now!"

Meebo is an online web application that allows you to sign in to all or some of your preferred chatting programs within your browser. Operating on the new Web 2.0 platform, the site loads very quickly and has no ads or other garbage to slow it down. Your passwords are encrypted for safety, and your new buddy list will now include all of your buddies all the active screen names you have chosen to log in.

Meebo Me is a new addition to the Meebo web site. This new add on provides a widget (kind of like a web plugin, easy to use and awesome) that allows you to have instant messaging on your website. The widget works very nicely. You install it and users can visit your web page and message you right there, no hassles, and again no ads or other distractions. Meebo has kept me alive during those long study hours in the library preparing for finals. I can jump on to all of my different messaging programs in one shot and buzz everyone I know with my token spam, "I'm pretending to study at the library, we will start drinking around eleven tonight at my place."

All in all it can be said that Meebo, the company, has done a great job doing what they do: providing a service that makes everyone's life easier. Finding a web client that can support the AIM protocols isn't easy anymore, and all of you PDA & mobile phone users know exactly what I mean. I will say that the Web 2.0 platform used is not compatible with many PDA or mobile web browsers, so be careful, but if you are on a computer and don't like running that bulky packaged ad ridden software, give Meebo a try. If you run a website, try out Meebo Me and see if it's right for you. Technically, it's not very RAM consuming.

Meebo
Meebo Me

Music Spotlight: Muse

2006-08-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

Right Click / Save As

The song: Knights of Cydonia. The video: all types of awesome. If this were a full length movie that featured a guy that looks somewhat like Junior from Reno 911 doing kung-fu, riding a horse, and shooting a laser gun, various shots of hawks, and the occasional robot, I'd totally see it.

I've been listening to this, Keane (Under the Iron Sea), and Gnarls Barkley (St Elsewhere) for a little over a month now, and it hasn't gotten old yet. Buy Muse's latest album, Black Holes & Revelations, and prepare for your balls to be rocked right the fuck off.

Bonus track: Glorious (just in case you got the version with 11 tracks)
Box Art: Front | Back | Disc (for those of you who judge a book by its cover)
Official Site: Muse.mu

Rhythm Heaven Trailer

2006-08-13T01:07:00.000-07:00

Right Click > Save As

Think of it as WarioWare without Wario, and all the mini-games are rhythm related. I'm gonna buy it just to give my GBA Micro something to do. Sad thing is, I'll probably just play it on the DS Lite.

Welcome to the Revision7 Beta

2006-08-11T02:30:00.000-07:00

Consider this a precursor to the final redesign. It will look something like this, but a whole lot more pimp. Tabs for each section of our little AFB network, a unified design, top story, recent stories, and older stories sections, and a shit-ton of other awesome features. In addition to brand new forums, we might integrate user reviews (available when you log in and comment) and there might even be an entire channel dedicated to AFB's streaming video content, somewhat like CNet's brand new CNet TV. As always, we'll provide fair, balanced, unbiased content in a somewhat more timely fashion. We're taking on more staff all the time, so feel free to send us a line if you want to write for us. We'll include reviews, previews, etc for everything from games to movies to music to comics to technology. Enjoy the beta!

Bully Trailer

2006-08-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

Right Click > Save As

He was gone for a while, but now he's back in town! No, it's not Tyrone, it's everyone's favorite troublemaker, Jimmy Hopkins! If Bully is anything like Grand Theft Auto or the Warriors, it should be plenty of fun mixed in with some very unwholesome acts.

Bully Mini-Site

CellFactor Revolution: Announcement Trailer

2006-08-08T20:58:00.000-07:00

Right Click > Save As

Not much to say, really. It looks like they scrapped the original futuristic soldier art style for cyborgs. Hopefully that's all they changed, I have been looking forward to this ever since the first gameplay footage was released.

Monster House & Clerks 2 Dude Reviews

2006-07-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

I'm trying something new with my movie reviews. Sometimes I'll read through an extra long post at my favorite movie review website, "Pajiba", and half way through I'll realize that all I really wanted was a brief synopsis of some of the better and worse happenings in the movie, how the plot and pacing came out, and whether or not I should go see it. So I came up with the "Dude Review"; in a nutshell, it's the kind of review you would get if you ran into someone you knew coming out of the movie you were going to see. It's highly opinionated, sprinkled with spoilers, but most importantly, it's concise, to the point, and not too flowery. It may seem a little too "live-blog" or "new games journalism", but it's not half as lame as either. So dude...

Monster House

...you should totally go see Monster House. The first time I saw the trailer I thought the characters were a little creepy, but I have to admit they grew on me. They have this Norman Rockwell-meets-Stand by Me-meets-the Goonies thing going on. Even though they used motion capture for just about every part of the movie, it helps with subtle facial expressions and body language to the point you sometimes forget it's CGI. Monster House definitely has the best CGI rendering of human beings since the Incredibles. The story is kind of shallow, but it's certainly more entertaining than Over the Hedge or Cars. Seriously, I couldn't stay awake through either. The characters have fitting voices to go with them. Steve "woodchipper" Buscemi plays the old man who takes every ball that falls into his yard, Maggie Gyllenhaal plays the babysitter, Jason Lee plays her boyfriend, Kevin James plays the bumbling oaf Sheriff, and Nick Cannon somehow does a decent job as his rookie moron partner. In the words of Dave Chappelle, "Fuck Nick Cannon." If this movie doesn't remind you of your childhood, you probably wouldn't want to remember it anyway.

Verdict: 8.5; catch the matinee.

Clerks 2

What? You and your buds are thinking of heading into "Lady in the Water"? Sure, there's a cute half naked redhead in it, but I'll save you the trouble of waiting for the crappy twist: M Night Shymalamander's character is the savior of the little water people. Now you don't have to ask yourself why you just saw another one of his overhyped steaming piles of twistership. Clerks 2 is a whole lot more interesting, and even though it features a homosexual donkey show, ass to mouth references, hobbit blow jobs, and Jay tucking it back and doing the Buffalo Bill dance from 'Lambs, it's nowhere near as gay as Joel Siegel's mustache. I didn't think Clerks needed a sequel, but I enjoy Kevin Smith's work and the Animated series was one of the funniest things on ABC ever, so I gave it a shot. It's funny as shit, at times is kind of sweet and touching, and Randall gets to rip into Lord of the Rings and Transformers. For the perverts and sexual deviants there's a see through bra on Kevin Smith's wife and a very jiggly rooftop dance scene with Rosario Dawson that is both arousing and hilarious.

Verdict: 9.5; spend ten bucks ya crippie-boy porch monkey.

Street Fighter: Alpha Anthology & Point Blank DS Mini-Reviews

2006-07-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

Street Fighter: Alpha Anthology
Throughout my life, I've seen arcades crumble and fall. There was a time when you knew the local arcade as well as you knew the local comic book shop. It was a place of unending din, where you would go completely insane if you were over a certain age and not completely absorbed in a game. Over the years, as home consoles grew in popularity, arcade traffic waned, until they became a hangout for drug dealers and child molesters with a pocket full of quarters. The local arcade became the Chuck E Cheese, the Pizza Hut, and the AMC. Their selection was poor at best, but because of the sheer rarity of an arcade, you played the shit out of the Simpsons game, even if you always got stuck with Marge and her freaking vacuum.

One series always dominated every arcade installation: Street Fighter. I loved the character design, the beautiful sprites, and the sheer fun of the fighting system. Everybody played different; you had the "Hadouken Whores", the jumpers that always played as Chun Li and never stayed still, the blockers who kept their joystick in a constant sate of back, and the button mashing kiddies who usually greased the controls up with their messy little kid fingers. Pizza grease + sticky soda/candy + arcade cabinets = bring a freaking wet-nap or you'll get hepatitis.

The Alphas, next to Marvel vs Capcom had by far the best cast of characters. I always picked Cammy, and to this day I play as her or any other lanky character with a powerful pair of stems (that means you, Elena). Alpha Anthology brings a flawless translation of the arcade classics to the Playstation 2, and completely succeeds in its purpose. I'm not going to be a big queen like other reviewers and knock it for not having online play (on PS2, ugh), I'm simply scoring it based on its contribution to the PS2 library. Finally we have all the Alphas on one disc, along with the surprisingly good chibi Gem Fighter, with no frame rate drops or ugliness (unlike PSP's Alpha Max). Although the PS2's d pad is extremely uncomfortable for fighting games, the joystick is perfect. It's almost better than the original cabinet's. Anthology has the choice of Alpha, Alpha 2, Alpha 2 Gold, Alpha 3 and Super Gem Fighter to satisfy Street Fighter fans. It's more than worth a purchase, seeing as how you can get it for $30 just about anywhere. With its great cast of characters, gorgeous sprites, fighting system complexity and nostalgia factor, this game is a must for your collection.

Niche: 2D Fighter
Gameplay: 9.5
Graphics: 8.5
Art: 9.0
Sound: 7.5
Music: 6.0
Replay Value: 9.5
Verdict: 9.0; You like Street Fighter? Buy it.

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Point Blank DS
Moving a light gun game to the touch screen was a risky decision, but after playing PBDS, it's only natural. I bought the original Point Blank for the PS1, rented the sequels, and changed my freinds' minds about it. The beauty of the series (over the games you bought the light gun for) is the addictive pick up and play value; like going to a carnival, without the smelly carnies and giant tweety birds. After taking too many shots in Time Crisis for the umpteenth time, not yet ready to ditch the gun, Point Blank was a welcome diversion. It also introduced my parents to the Playstation; instead of blowing away terrorists or zombies, they shot at targets, clay pigeons, and other friendly, familiar inanimate objects. The screaming of generic enemies is never as inviting as a metallic "ping."

I rented Point Blank DS via Gamefly, and after playing it for three days, I'm ready to buy it. It's a worthy addition to any DS library. The game responds remarkably well to the touchscreen' s commands, making it the easiest controlling point blank yet. Instead of aiming at inch high targets from across the room, most of the time your stylus is a millimeter away. In response to this, Bandai upped the ante. This is easily the most challenging Point Blank yet: I dare you to get an "A" in Insane mode. --Speaking of modes, PBDS has them aplenty. Arcade mode is pretty standard: you choose a difficulty, one of 4-8 stages, and try to complete them in a limited amount of time. The games range from shooting cardboard cutout bad guys to whacking plastic crocodiles. Other features include single cart multiplayer and a neat brain training mode designed to sharpen your reflexes and improve your attention span. It works, too.

The more I play Point Blank DS, the more I want there to be more light gun ports on this platform. Hopefully we'll see Time Crisis: Double Shooters (with WiFi co-op), Silent Scope: Dueling Snipers (with WiFi multiplayer) or House of the Dead: Death Strike (what, you think we haven't figured out your naming conventions?).

Niche: Variety/Mini games
Gameplay: 9.5
Graphics: 8.0
Art: 7.0
Sound: 5.5
Music: 3.0
Replay Value: 8.5
Verdict: 7.5; Find a good deal and go for it.

Sssizzling Sssummer Tipsss

2006-07-26T05:19:00.000-07:00

Sssizzling Sssummer Tipsss

With record breaking heat waves sweeping the globe, everyone without an air conditioner is pretty much screwed. All us cheapskates who live near the beach thought the cool ocean breeze would cool us off, but no. I live half a mile from the coast, so close I can walk, and it's 110 degrees outside. I'm not pointing any fingers, but GLOBAL WARMING! I take some comfort in knowing that somewhere, a glacier is sweating just as much as I am.

So here are a few useful tips to stay alive during these ridiculously sweltering summer days.

1. Don't consume dairy

Milk products build up mucous in your throat, making everything just a little more uncomfortable. Exceptions to the rule: shredded cheese and sour cream in your Taco Supreme.

2. Avoid spicy foods

I know, spicy hot and hot hot are different, but when your nose is running down your face and your butthole is dribbling more than Kobe, you should stop acting like the big macho hotshot and put down the Source.

3. Wear button up shirts

This one is obvious, but you can wear the same button up shirt with no undershirt for a few days without sweating through it completely like I have with every tee shirt I've worn since Summer. It breathes, it's light, and can be modified to fit any occasion. It sure looks better than pit stains.

4. Wear a towel around the house

This tip is invaluable. All I've worn inside since the heat really kicked in has been a regular terrycloth bath towel. No underwear. The occasional breeze, non constricting, and absorbent.

5. Wet washcloth in the freezer

Put it on the back of your neck and you're golden until it gets warm again. This works everywhere, so don't be afraid to soak it and twirl it around in the air if you aren't near a freezer.

6. Spray bottle

No need to refill the Windex bottle and give yourself a rash, just pick a small spray bottle up at the local drug store. Set it to mist, and moisturise when needed. It keeps your temperature down, feels fantastic, and keeps sweat down to a minimum.

7. Key fan placement

All homes are different, but in my bedroom I have two sliding windows as part of one big window above my desk. In the side facing the door, I place the fan facing outward, into the courtyard. I then open the other window, the one facing my bed, so the fan sucks the hot air out of the room and pushes the cool air in through the other window. Usually my room stays a constant 55 degrees, a temperature I am most comfortable in. During the summer, when the air outside is usually hotter than the air inside, this method doesn't help though.

8. Shower constantly

As in, more than usual. You don't even need to shampoo each time, but two showers a day will keep you from stinking up the place, cool you down, all on the cheap. A single shower should last only 5 minutes at the most, but the cool down factor lasts a couple of hours.

Hope you find these tips useful. Right now Alex is sweating it out with his Grandparents in the desert (he moves into his new place August 8th), but he's probably fine since nobody in the desert (in their right minds) lives out there without central air. Don't go dying on me!

Singstar for PS3: Sony Brings It

2006-07-26T04:36:00.000-07:00

Singstar Trailer 852x480

Singstar for Playstation3: Sony Brings It
Leave it to Sony to have one game that makes you buy shit for it, then keep meta-buying until you're broker than an MMORPG addict with a Mastercard. Singstar looks like alot of fun, until you factor in the $600+ you spend to get the PS3, the $80 you spend on the game with a microphone, the 30 you spend for the extra (because the game's no fun if you don't pretend you and your buddies are the hipsters advertising this game), the $50 you spend on the camera and the 99 cent+ karaoke videos that you could get for free if you watch enough MTV (to the point they actually air a music video). The other bitch is that since this is just another gimmick game to them, there will probably be more firmware updates to keep their DRM shit in check than actual content updates. Just look at what happened to the PSP, what had the potential to completely rock Nintendo's shit. It had better graphics than DS, had movies you could watch on its big beautiful screen, and all kinds of customizable goodness. What content did we get after that? A bunch of UMD movies and a scant catalog of decent games. No movie trailers (with Wifi they could have delivered it straight to the PSP), no music videos, nothing. We got stiffed with nothing but a big rubbery one in the ear, and annoying ad campaigns and commercials in the other.

Good part of this little trailer is the extra glimpse we get at the spiffy GUI. I'll probably still buy it (can't rent it without a mic) and sing Queen and Duran Duran way too much for a healthy heterosexual male my age. No matter what I say, I'm still buying the PS3 for the same reason I bought the 360, the same reason I am going to buy the Wii, and the same reason I write for the AFB: I love games.

Tony Hawk's Project 8 Gameplay Footage & Preview

2006-07-22T23:54:00.000-07:00

Tony Hawk's Project 8 Gameplay 1280x720

Tony Hawk's Project 8
Recently we were blessed with the first actual gameplay footage of Tony Hawk's Project 8. Two days before, I previewed it at Activision; let's just say they have plenty of work left. When the teaser trailer hit Xbox Live during E3, the animation and improved graphics certainly wowed even the stiffest of upper lipped individuals. The well synced music (c/o Kasabian) certainly helped. The fact is, that's just not the game; it's motion capture. As I played the game, I immediately became aware of the new focus feature. With a simple flick of the analogue stick in focus mode, you kick the board from every conceivable direction... sort of like Fight Night. The biggest issue I found is that no matter how good that teaser looked, the game still has that canned animation feel. The player doesn't react realistically to physics or gravity, they still just float a millimeter off the ground. No matter what animations you capture Neversoft, you still have to have decent physics. The other beef I had with the build I played was the way-too-bullet-time approach to focus mode. The camera spins around to the same boring angle and you stay up way too long kicking the board around. While cool, it doesn't look cool in the least bit. I much prefer the casual low camera angles and speed moderation from the E3 teaser. Other issues are bad frame rates in areas, the still manic speed of gameplay (making every action a reaction) and the occasionally blinding bloom lighting. It's still a long time off from release, but they should keep those glaring issues in mind. It's still shaping up to be the best Tony Hawk yet.

AFB Streaming

2006-07-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

Half Life 2 Episode 2 Trailer 1280x720

Introducing AFB Streaming, our new method of delivering streaming video on the front page without the cost of large amounts of bandwidth. It has better compression than YouTube, lower bandwidth cost than Quicktime or Windows Media, and allows for embedding in flash movies. Why introduce this feature on the front page? Anyone with enough memory to watch a video on YouTube can sure as shit watch these videos. I am also a firm believer that video proof is always better than textual recollections. I like sharing game videos with my friends, and you, dear readers, are my new freinds, so I present to you videos! I troll the usual places every day for game videos, and if I find one that intrigues me, I'll make sure to share it with you.

Oh, and Half Life 2: Episode 2 looks fantastically better than Episode 1. Gordon in the woods? Ass-kicking Vortigaunts? New, awesome looking enemies? Count me in.

Castle Crashers & Alien Hominid on XBLA

2006-07-20T15:54:00.000-07:00

Castle Crashers Trailer 512x384

Behemoth studios brings us Castle Crashers; yet another Tom Fulp 2D sidescroller, this one along the lines of the cult classic "Little Fighter". It's being released on the Xbox Live Arcade. Alien Hominid, his other console game, hits the Arcade this fall.

Team Fortress 2 & Portal Trailers

2006-07-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

Team Fortress 2 Trailer 1280x720

Portal Trailer 1280x720

Long awaited sequel to the Half Life multiplayer mod Team Fortress Classic now coming to the 360 and PC, with groovy sixties themed characters, etc. Can't express how psyched I am about this.

Comes with Half Life: Episode 2 and Portal. OMG Portal. O-M-F-G. Leave it to Valve to take Prey's concept and improve every aspect of it. Gravity gun + portal generator = too much fun.

Need for Speed: Carbon Preview

2006-07-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

Need for Speed: Carbon
Recently I visited EA and checked out the latest build of Need for Speed: Carbon. From what I played, the game is going along swimmingly. First off, it looks gorgeous in HD. The cars are shiny, the pavement is cracked and rough, and the fog looks almost volumetric, although I doubt it is. The first level I played felt less like Need for Speed and more like Initial D. It took place on a winding mountain road at night, presumably somewhere in Japan. I drove a Mitsubishi Lancer Evo in a race against another tuned up import. While the handling has been improved over Most Wanted, it still feels a little like you juiced up an AMC Pacer; it still doesn't feel like you're actually driving a car. This is the one problem I've had with the latest NFS offerings. When you play Project Gotham, the tires grip, they feel like they are actually spinning at top speed over pavement. When I whipped around in Carbon, it still felt like the car was floating. Sure, the background was passing by at the same speed the car was going, but It felt like they just never caught on. What, have they spent all their time ogling Emmanuelle Vaugier and slapping pretty stickers on car models to pay attention to the tires? Bah, they'll probably make it better. The other levels I played felt alot like the first NFS Underground. The tracks were well thought out, gorgeous, and alive. I avoided traffic by inches, toppled various environmental hazards into my opposition (including an exploding gas station), all driving by the light of my high beams. The new HUD is clean and product placement free, the sound is superb, and most importantly, my hour with Carbon was the most fun I've had with a Need for Speed game since the first Underground. We'll see how it turns out in the following months.

Yo Tengo Zune

2006-07-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that Microsoft has wanted to develop an iPod killer for quite some time. The big mystery was when and what. Recently, those questions were answered. Many know it as Argo, but its final title is Zune.

With Microsoft dipping into the iPod's near monopoly in hand held digital music providers, the scales may tip against Apple. The new "Zune" has been the talk of the Internets for quite some time now, and it looks sharp to boot. A large screen, comfortable button positioning, three colors, Xbox Live Anywhere connectivity and a new WiFi file sharing functionality might give it the edge, but the price point (30GB Zune for the price of a 60GB iPod) might hurt their chances of taking the lead over Apple's leviathan.

The other problem Microsoft has when coming in this late in the game is the level of advancement Apple has already achieved with the iPod: moving from Firewire to the Faster USB 2.0, a large variety of disk sizes available, several different models for different budgets and needs, and most importantly, the name they have established in portable mp3 players. An iPod can only become obsolete when Apple releases the next version. That's a huge accomplishment.

Microsoft legally owns the original patents to the iPod, and have a large market share in the company. Releasing a similar product this late in the game doesn't make much sense, but if it brings more features to the table, it's certainly welcome.

Score!

2006-07-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

New Scoring System!
Game scores are now relative only against other games in their niche market. Shooters against shooters, platformers against platformers, side scrollers against side scrollers, puzzle games against puzzle games, etc. Behold the new scorecard:

Niche
Gameplay
Story (if applicable)
Graphics
Art
Sound
Music
Replay Value
Verdict

Looking For a CSS Coder

2006-07-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

Help Needed
We're kind of dead in the water with the redesign (codename: Kill the Queen) until we get a decent CSS coder to program our desired Wordpress Style Sheet. It requires knowledge we do not possess, otherwise you'd be staring at our refferral post right now.

I'm ready, willing and able to provide all the graphic design, most of which I have already made or am in the process of making. The layout and features are done for you, I know exactly what I want and in most cases where I've seen it before. All you have to do is make it all work.

layout preview

In return for your services (since we are flat broke), you get credit in the footer, a full color 140 x 260 px advert in the sponsor sidebar, and a link button in the link sidebar. If you look at the layout mockup above, you can see just where they land. I'll even make the advert and link button for you, if you indeed like my graphic design work.

So that's the offer, that's the request, that's the cry for help. I'll be posting this request in as many forums as I can. If you can do it, or you know someone who can, please contact me: antifanboy@gmail.com.

Sneak Peak
I'll be updating this with little pieces of the redesign, so keep an eye peeled.

premium ad space advert

itunes subheader

torrent subheader

forum header

header demo

venture bros adverts

DS Lite Review

2006-06-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

You've read all the specs, seen all the pictures, you may have even played one at Best Buy, but I guarantee you haven't heard what I have to say about Nintendo's DS Lite.

Evidently borrowing design cues from Apple, the DS' redesign is very impressive. Aesthetically, the Lite is gorgeous. A coat of glossy plastic covers the outside, just like the layer of clear plastic on the PSP and iPod. The biggest difference I found was that no matter how smudgy my fingers should have made it, the Lite looked brand new. The inner portion is a matte that looks like it might get dirty with extended play, but will definitely give you a better grip. The power switch is placed on the right side of the unit, and the start and select buttons are placed lower, so they are less likely to be hit accidentally. The 360 could take notice: I always hit start in the middle of DOA4. The buttons are spaced perfectly, and along with a much quieter click, the alignment allows the DS to fit better in your hands. The stylus is thicker and longer than the old one, making gameplay on the DS a much more comfortable experience.

But beauty isn't just skin deep. The screens are the biggest improvement. While retaining the size and aspect ratio of the old system, they are are exponentially brighter and more colorful. Once you go Lite, I can tell you from experience, you never want to go back. I'd imagine it's like getting glasses you've really needed for the first time in your life, and realizing trees aren't supposed to look like lollipops. It's a huge difference and a welcome change. Another improvement is the time in which it powers on and loads up. I guess they goosed the internal memory a little, to make the operating system go faster. It's appreciated.

Size-wise, the DS Lite much more portable than its former incarnation. Unlike the "DS Phat", the Lite can fit in your front pocket without giving the impression you have a tumor or strangely-shaped erection. It's thinner, shorter, lighter and brighter than the PSP. If that doesn't chap some Sony fanboy ass, I don't know what will. In fact, the Lite is about the same weight as a GBA Micro. That's a very impressive feat.

Verdict: 10/10; Why didn't the DS launch like this?

Venture Bros Season II Premiere Tonight

2006-06-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

Be sure to watch the Season Premiere of the Venture Bros Tonight at 10:30pm. Your testicles will spin around. Then they will explode. Such is the nature of the show.

VBS2: Heads Will Roll - Balls Will A'splode

Just a Taste / Calling All Coders

2006-06-25T02:37:00.000-07:00

Just a Taste
So far I've been regaling our faithful readers with stories and promises of the redesign; so much I'm really getting tired of the word "redesign". Since it's the seventh time I've revised the afb, from now on I'll call it "Revision7". Ever since my computer froze and wiped out the original files and styles for Revision7, I've started over with a new, more inspired design. I also added a color which I'm sure you will grow to either love or despise in the coming months. Chocolate brown. I've seen it side by side with the other colors, and I must say it's gorgeous. I'm also going to try to compress the site's high quality png24 images to a less load intensive png8. The gif is dead. Long live the png.

As promised, here's a sneak peak at the new headers for the home page and podcast: featuring an all new menu, color scheme, and soon, a new logo. I'm still "Illustrating" it right now. As in, I'm using Illustrator CS, so it's a huge pain in the ass. If I did it in Photoshop like most of the site, it would be done already, but I want it to be easily translated to bigger formats without pixelation and artifacts (those nasty little buggers). The first two are the home page's header and a demonstration of what the menu looks like when rolled over (each button goes, not all of them at once) and the second set is the same thing, but with phase4radio, our podcast.

Hope you like them. I worked pretty hard on getting just the right look and feel of them, working out the spacing and color balance while leaving enough room on the right for the new logo. I promise, once it's done you'll get another sneak peak. It appears my original estimated launch date for Revision7, July 1st, will be impossible. Therefore, I am...

Calling All Coders!!!
Are you proficient in CSS? We're looking for a Wordpress theme all our own, built to my specifications. I know it can be done, but I don't know how. That's where you come in. I'll provide the images, I'll provide the architecture, in fact I know exactly what I want. All I need is someone to code it for me. I'm sure most of it is cutting and pasting anyhow. If I knew how to do it, I wouldn't be asking you, but I lost a shit-ton of work, and my latest improvements span far beyond my knowledge in the scripting department. I'll update the post with a sketch of what I want the site to look like architecturally, I'll even do the dimensions and whatnot for you. All I need is that sweet sweet CSS style.

We won't be able to pay you (as we're flat broke), but you will get a link button on the front page (and the links page), a credit in the footer (CSS style by Hoosimarv Vandershmootz) and even a link to your company /blog/portfolio in the sponsors bar, made by me, spiffy as shit. You've seen the "Venture Bros" and "It's Always Sunny..." ads on the right? I made them, and one of those spots can be yours! Immortality! Fame! Gorgeous Links! All yours for a week or so of your time, on and off. Basically, if you work on it a little bit for a week, and it is awesome, we'll use it, insert two colorful home page links, one text link and a credit link in the footer to your site of choice, an entire post to how effin' awesome you are, and may even add you to the staff as a programmer for future job reference. Sweet deal, huh?

So pump this topic full of ~~semen~~ comments, or send us a line at antifanboy@gmail.com. Just think, WWBRD? (What Would Burt Reynolds Do?)

Eternals Issue One

2006-06-25T00:31:00.000-07:00

No one's been more excited about Neil Gaiman & John Romita Jr's Eternals more than Alex, and he got me caught up in the hype aswell a few weeks ago. The story is quite impressive: it's about a race of long forgotten immortals created by giant creatures known as the Celestials. Another group, the Deviants, were created alongside the Eternals to balance things out. The Deviants, mixes of all different species, sharing no genetic similarities, decided to fuck like bunnies and enslave the ancient humans. The Eternals, with the backing of the Celestials, fucked their shit up in a massive war that turned a population of millions of Deviants to a little over a thousand. Now, thousands of years later, one of the Eternals lives in not-so-blissfull ignorance of his illustrious past, his true identity, and his powers. All he has are cryptic dreams, pieces of his life that are too surreal to believe. That is until a golden eyed stranger walks into his life, and brings with him the truth about his past.

The artwork was the first thing to catch my attention. Rick Berry's cover is a strikingly beautiful piece of art that I'd more than gladly pay to frame and hang on my wall. Romita's pencils are complex and solid at the same time, showing why he is one of the bigger names in the world of comics. The inks accentuate Romita's lines and if anything make them pop more, and the colors, filled in by the spectrally talented Matt Hollingsworth are more than worth a mention.

I have only one gripe. The writing is fantastic, but not when it comes to dialog. The conversations between the characters, while interesting, tries too hard to be natural. The errors in grammar and punctuation are too numerous and obvious for the average reader with atleast a sixth grade education not to shudder. Most of the time fucking immortals are speaking in this stilted, half retarded manner. I can't make it through most of the dialog without biting my fist and asking myself how such a high profile comic book could let this shit slide. Who the hell proof-read this? I write most of my posts at three in the morning, wiping my bloodshot raccoon eyes and sipping on a mountain dew, and even I catch more errors than this internationally published, well hyped graphic novel.

Hopefully they catch more errors in the next issue. You know, when this shit happens in newspapers, they print a whole page of things they got wrong. Maybe Marvel should start doing that, lest DC pimp slap them with their "superior spellcheck skills". Microsoft Word mother-bitches!

Overall though, I highly enjoyed the first issue, and look forward to many more. Eternals issue one is definitely worth your two bucks.

Hopefully Alex will see this and edit in his two cents. Either way, the next game review should be up shortly. Sorry for the lack of decent content as of late, but I've been fabulously busy.

Civil War Impressions coming soon to a theatre near you... keep your eyes peeled.

**New Feature: Digg this article. Help a brotha out!**

Buy My Shit

2006-06-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

I'm cleaning out all the games I don't play anymore. I figure selling them might get me enough for a DS Lite. The games I bought new are pretty much a thin sheet of cellophane away from being just that - I keep my games and movies in impeccable condition. If you see something you want, they are at bargain basement prices, so please support my quest for a Lite. New Super Mario Bros is just not the same. In other news, once I get the Lite, I'll be selling my gorgeous imported White DS Phat.

Xbox:

GameCube

DVD

The French Connection

Fuck XP / Shape of Things to Come

2006-06-18T17:40:00.000-07:00

Fuck Windows Fucking XP
I woke up today, and my computer was frozen. I rebooted, and when it started back up, I almost cried. For some unknown reason, all the files on my desktop were gone, and most of the programs didn't work. I tried to locate System Restore, but alas, it, and most of my system files, were gone. XP was running, but just barely. I have no clue how this happened, but I had a shitload of important files sitting on my desktop, including the anti-fanboy's redesign folder. It contained all the css style and image files. A brand new logo, header, and design, 2 weeks of hard work, all gone because my OS went on a drinking binge and killed all its brain cells. This will definitely set back the unveiling, and also I might cry. Who has a dry shoulder?

This is the Shape of Things to Come
For the forums, we have two new choices. IPB is out the window, as the only free version is pretty gay and ugly. My first choice, and the one I worked like hell customising before the retardation of my entire C:/ drive, is MiniBB. Although the official site's demo is pretty ugly itself, it's highly customisable, and the features rock the pants off anything else out there. In the end, it would look almost exactly like this, but with our branding and less slick javascript effects. One of the coolest features is the ability to log in and quick post/reply at the same time. How fucking convenient is that?

The second choice is Lussumo's Vanilla. Optimized, it too can look pretty. I'm not in love with it, but it's an option, incase you guys dislike the shit out of MiniBB. Don't know how you could, though.

A few more things to ruminate over: new sections and features. You already know about the video podcast, but there will also be our personal blogs, "StarF*cker" (that's mine, with a star in place of the u- that's so fucking clever!) and "Alex's FROzen Tundra" (get it, cuz he has a fro! omgloller). Another feature is "The Thesis Stupidicus", a college guide to the most insipid, ridiculous, lazy theses a student can possibly get away with. I give it a week before we're tired of it.

Phase4Radio, our video podcast and delightfully clever play on words is also on its way. Once we record the first episode, figure out how to edit and distribute it, it will most likely be available over Torrents and iTunes, since the bandwidth would kill the site if we hosted it here. Our goal is to have it be a cross between Diggnation's "sit down and shoot the shit" format and break it up with Lonely Island-esque shorts. Even though our stuff will be completely original, those are the most similar/popular shows, that we are both huge fans of. We'll have guests, flash animations, video previews of games that aren't out yet, and cover stories every podcast (they replace our current cover stories). They'll be released once a month, have no time limit, and be available in high mp3, h264, xvid, wmv, and m4v for those with video iPods. As for the PSP's video format, the PSP is dead to me.

The Official Anti-Fanboy Desktops

2006-06-13T01:30:00.000-07:00

As a consolation for so much down time, I've prepared two wallpapers for your desktop! One with penguins, one sans penguins. They sport the brand new color scheme and spiffy logo. I'm pretty sure the new site is going to rock your balls off. Although the base is "Aqua" from Mac OSX (and this wallpaper is best suited for crazy Mac resolutions), it can easily be centered to fit any Windows desktop and still look beautiful. Ironic part is, I don't even own a Mac. Enjoi and spread the word, but please don't shmear the word. That's just too messy.

Brick

2006-06-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

So some jackass Time Warner Cable guy installed a neighbor's cable, knocked out our feed, and then promptly locked the box and left. We called Time Warner, and they said they'd get around to it friday, a week from when it happened. They are such fuckheads. This lack of digital cable has prompted me to turn to dvds and my computer for entertainment. I might take a crowbar to the lock-box tomorrow, but for now I've been catching up on some of the movies I've never gotten around to watching, what with the "feeding 'tube" always on.

I've had the screener for Brick laying on my desk for a few weeks now, and sadly never popped it in 'til now. This suspenseful slice of heaven is something rarely attempted- a high school detective noir. It stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the kid from 3rd Rock, and Emilie de Ravine, the Aussie single mother on Lost. The dialogue at times can get campy, but that's most of the movie's appeal. Brendan, a loner high school kid talks to the Vice Principal (played by Richard Roundtree, of Shaft in Africa fame) like a private dick to a police chief... in the 30's. The mystery behind Em's death unravels as the tough-as-nails Brendan uncovers the dirty underworld of a Southern California high school.

The wonderfulness of this movie is the thin line it walks between reality and far-fetched drama. While the characters speak cryptically, like every fast-talking Humphrey Bogart character, it's somehow still believable. The mooks sound like mooks, the brains sound like brains, and the drama students (Meagan Good plays the seductively delicious Kara) sound like any other no-good dame that's walked into your joint just to stir up trouble.

Keeping this from turning into another modern day take on Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet, I'm looking at you...) takes some doing, and grounding everything in reality accomplishes so much. While "The Pin" is the high school's local drug hookup, he is far from a crime boss. He's a 26 year old, 98 pound weakling who operates out of his mother's basement, using the high school's juvenile delinquints for muscle and distribution. Just like in real life! I highly suggest finding an arthouse theater to see this, or just wait until it hits Blockbuster's shelves. It's atleast worth a rental fee and 2 hours of your life.

*update: ironically, since i mentioned those asshats at twcable, half my google ads are now for them. grr. turns out, the cable watchdog/audit guy came by, and our cable wasn't tagged correctly, so he shut it off (thinking we were stealing it). the repair guy came back, tagged us, and then reamed that guy over his mobile all in front of us! that was sweet. we'd better get free hbo for the rest of the summer. i miss my bill mahr.

Movin' On Up

2006-05-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

as of tuesday, we are "http://antifanboy.com". no longer does blogspot dirty up our domain name. fix your bookmarks accordingly. we also have hosting; so pretty soon we will open up a brand new set of forums, a monthly podcast/video in place of our usual cover stories, and maybe even open up a store and sell tee shirts (why not, our hosting includes the software). the only problem we're having is getting the little penguin favicon to show up when people are redirected from the dotcom. it shows up on the blogspot addy, but not on the domain redirect. wacky.

*update: right now i'm working on revision 7 of the site. it's gonna knock off a few socks. until then, we might post here, but most of the work will be going toward the redesign. keep checking back! we'll announce the grand re-opening on here, and after that we'll be importing all the archives onto the new wordpad-based system. from that point on, all new posts will be on the new site.

My Next Major Purchases

2006-05-23T03:23:00.000-07:00

the newly unleashed macbook is soooo sexy. it takes the black laptop and makes it look good again. i have always been hesitant of switching from pc to mac, but now that you can run windows parrallel with osx, this monolithic ebony sex machine will be my laptop. now that i have an actual job, pretty soon i'll be able to afford it. i'm not cheaping out either, i'm going for the 2gb 667 ddr2 sdram, 120gb serial ata hard drive option. this sucker's gonna run crysis dammit.

i'm also going to get a white dslite, an lg c1500 mobile phone (actuallly want the pebl more, but it's only on tmobile), and the sony handycam hdr hc3. from the looks of my gadget lust, i will be spending a whole lot of time at work. can you say overtime?

Daxter

2006-05-14T11:44:00.000-07:00

as far as my pretty ivory white psp is concerned, it's not so much a gaming device as it is a portable media player. it's not a very good PMP at that. ever since i found out that the dicks-for-brains down at the local computer repair shop neglected to hook up my sound card, i've used it to watch television shows or clips that require sound. it's become invaluable, thanks to both their incompetence and my laziness.

sadly, good psp games are few and far between. once in a blue moon something like locoroco or exit comes out (i'll be reviewing both when they are gamefly'd to me, exit is next) but usually it's a lackluster, handicapped port of a ps2 game. until daxter. it was made from the very moment of its conception to be a psp platformer, taking into account everything; from the uncomfortable analog nub to graphical ghosting and the off disc loading.

visually the game is stunning. once you swing the camera around and take a look at daxter, you can see how much work was put into this game. his eyes are smooth and round, big as saucers. his fur is a bright orange and actually looks fuzzy! little animations like the way he walks, crawls, climbs, swings, jumps and attacks are fluid and comical. your very first mission is in a ritzy hotel. this stage alone pushes the graphical capabilities of the psp. other characters and enemies all have details and characteristics that make them unique, and some look better than most ps2 games.

if you plug in your headphones and listen to the game, you'll find a level of sound design rarely implemented in portables. background noise, such as hovercars passing by or steam from a sewer grate complement the clicks and whistles of daxter's enemy bugs, or our hero's padded paws slightly sticking to the ground he walks on. the voice acting is surprisingly well done also. besides daxter and a few other main characters, the voices are unique and fresh. the dialogue can, at times, be quite superb. ...action movie superb, but superb nonetheless. "speak up before these barrels become both ends of the conversation." classic.

the controls are tight, with the usual jump attack shoot and special move button scheme being standard. it's nice not to have a syphon filter laundry list of controls to remember. also, it either detects whether your psp is japanese of not, or simply uses the circle confirm x cancel default. either way, my psp is japanese, and the circle and x buttons' meanings are switched, and i usually have a tough time with american games because of this (think mgs), so brownie points. if you find it uncomfortable controlling the ottsel with the analog stick (who doesn't), you can change that and the camera controls in the options menu.

checkpoints are well placed, most of the time allowing you to continue from a point more convenient than you'd expect, perfect for a portable. load times are the shortest i've witnessed on the disc loading psp, and the trademark graphical ghosting i'm so used to seeing in other psp titles isn't present at all. it would be a massive understatement to say i'm looking forward to more portable games from ready at dawn.

verdict: 9.5/10; buy it, it's definitely the best game available for the psp.

Cover Story May 06: E3 Most Wanted

2006-05-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

this year's e3 was easily the best one yet. three playable next generation consoles, huge announcements for the biggest blockbuster games of the year, and a well organized promotional machine geared toward pleasing visitors of the biggest entertainment event next to the oscars. unfortunately, we didn't get to go (missed the registration date), but there's always next year!

for all the mouse jockeys at home following the torrent of trailers and demos, this year certainly did not disappoint. the flow of information was overwhelming, as the exhibitors finally realised that e3 is just as big a deal to the consumer at home as it is to them. there were a few announcements that blew our socks off, and a fair share of let downs; but overall, e306 has proven that the following year will be the best yet for gamers.

now here's the obligatory wishlist.

jim's E3 most wanted:

ps3

mgs4 took a bit of a back seat this year, with no playable demo and an early showing (followed by nothing) but i'll be damned if it didn't leave an impression ...in my chest, the shape of snake's foot. that old bastard's got moxy, i tells ya...
heavenly sword looked like the weak link last year, and now it's turning heads with its manic god of war-esque gameplay and stunning visuals. it could be a contender for game of the year 07, that is if halo 3 doesn't come out then. *giggle*
final fantasy XIII made me actually want to play a final fantasy game. i never enjoyed the ff series, or any rpg for that matter ('cept earthbound), but the new action intensive approach has caught my eye. that and it's just plain beautiful.
assassin's creed might be brilliant. i just haven't seen enough to be completely sure. what i have surmised from the information given to me: i want to play it... badly.
resistance looks like a nice mix of gears of war, call of duty, and what killzone should have been.
the untitled naughty dog game looks really fun. like tomb raider meets far cry. mwah! magnifique!
virtua fighter 5 might turn out to be the best fighting game ever made, and i won't even have to find a japanese arcade to play it.
mercenaries 2: its predecessor pretty much tells you this game's going to kick ass. here's hoping for multiplayer mayhem...
indiana jones' new physics engine is probably the most advanced i've seen yet. the trailer left some to be desired, but i know what lucasarts is capable of. "you call him docta jones!"

xbox 360

halo 3. i cried, nuff sed.
splinter cell double agent. did anyone else's pants get tighter? the game looks gorgeous, and that one level in the middle east looks straight out of graw, but way better.
rainbow six vegas is really coming together. if the first screens didn't sell me right away, you can bet your sweet ass the first gameplay videos did.
lost planet's demo has got me hooked. come launch time, i may need to be fed introvenously, as i will not leave the couch. no catheters though, i prefer a funnel.
hitman blood money might satisfy my ever-consuming bloodlust. don't get your hopes up, i said it might.
stranglehold promises all the john woo action without travolta, cage or slater.
chromehounds might be the new mech series for the 360. god i hope so. fasa's last mech assault was pretty awful, and now they're making that lackluster shadowrun game. that's it. keep 'em busy microsoft.
tony hawk's project 8 is the exact direction i wanted them to take this bled turnip of a series. infact, this is what i told them when i tested american wasteland in santa monica...
just cause has gone from gta clone to mercenaries/gta clone to a game all by itself in awesomeness. xboxyde has the best (only?) video footage of the demo.

wii

super smash bros brawl. they brought in kid icarus, zero suit samus, wario and solid snake. that'll do hal laboratories. that'll do.
super mario galaxy takes an entirely new direction, the cold, emptiness of space. sure hope it works.
red steel looks fun as shit, but the aiming system still needs work. the ideal situation is to have the wiimote control the view of the screen, instead of the movement of the arm and (eventually) the screen. if they keep it like that, they should add a button to quickly turn left or right 90 degrees, ala lost planet. otherwise, make it more like pc fps'.
legend of zelda twilight princess still owns. hooray!
warioware smooth moves is just another warioware game. what? like that's a bad thing?
excitetruck has all the makings of a great game: nintendo dev team, the "excite" license, and the wii control scheme. it's also an arcadey truck racing game. let's hope like hell it doesn't turn into another "hummer: badlands racing."
you might look like an idiot when you play wii sports, but so will your friends. just tell yourself it's the fun that counts. then pop in karaoke revolution and cry.

ps2

god of war 2 brings the combos and the surprisingly gorgeous graphics.
guitar hero 2 brings 50+ songs to the table.
okami brings the gorgeous.

psp

mgs: portable ops might just give me a reason to keep my psp, with multiplayer ala subsistance and a story that fills in the blanks in the metal gear solid storyline.
vice city stories might just improve on the already fantastic "stories" license. i always loved vice city's landscape best of all. by the end of the game, you knew your way around every alley. plus the soundtrack was, well, perfect.
locoroco makes me happy every time i play the demo. needless to say, i play the demo alot.
every extend extra promises rez-like gameplay, and i trust mizuguchi-san.

legend of zelda phantom hourglass is the zelda game we all wanted on the ds. our prayers were finally answered. now about the jessica alba sex-clones...
mario vs donkey kong 2. the first one was super fun. let's do it again, shall we?
i don't know what special use they will find for the stylus in dk king of swing 2, but i loved the first one so much i imported it. i'm open to anything that doesn't include gorilla genitalia.

crysis will crash my computer, i just know it.
the seemingly impossible happened: unreal tournament 2007 got more gorgeous.
i've said it one and i'll say it again, now that we've all seen the cyclops fight: dark messiah totally butt-rapes oblivion.

alex's E3 most wanted:

ds

yoshi's island 2: i don't think i really need to explain why i want this, but i'll go ahead & do it anyway. the original yoshi's island is an absolutely great game, and this looks like it'll be a worthy predecessor. the graphics, which take up both screens, look super pretty & smooth, and in the short clips we've seen, it looks hella fun. i'm really glad nintendo realized they don't always have to try to incorporate touch-screen functionality.
kirby ds: i was recently thinking about how kirby is one of my favorite franchises, so news of a new game for ds couldn't have come at a nicer time. canvas curse was fun, but i'm excited this new one's going back to that good ol' classic kirby platforming.
elite beat agents: if you ever got a chance to play ouendan, then you'll understand why i want this. i was always worried that if they decided to bring ouendan to the states, it would lose some of it's charm during the localization process. i think they made the made right choice going with a whole new adventure with new characters & music, although i highly doubt whatever music they put in it will be as awesome as the original japanese soundtrack. let's just hope it's not too bad.
diddy kong racing ds: mario kart set the bar for kart-racing on the ds pretty darn high, but i'm confident that diddy kong racing can atleast get very close. back in the day, i liked diddy kong racing more than mario kart, and it didn't even have a track editor then!
mario vs donkey kong ds: the original mario vs dk was a cute, fun, fantastic little game for the gba, so i'm eager to see how this new one turns out.
star fox ds: i have plenty of fond memories of star fox, and i'm hoping to make some more later this year. this game is lookin' good. there'd better be some wi-fi multiplayer.
cooking mama: one of those quirky, awesome looking games that i totally would've gotten already if importing wasn't so expensive. leave it to the badasses at atlus to bring it over to t3h US.
dk king of swing ds: another example of nintendo skipping touch-screen functionality for the sake of two screens full of goodness. the original king of swing was fun, and thanks to the positioning of the ds' l & r buttons, it looks like we'll have some more fun, without scrunching our hands up this time.

wii

the noises i made when i first heard of super smash bros brawl's showing cannot be typed, so let me just say that i haven't been this excited for anything in quite some time.
legend of zelda twilight princess will no doubt be incredible, and getting a wii version was a nice surprise. i think nintendo made a good choice here. releasing it only for wii would've been a slap in the face to all those faithful & patient gamecube owners, and releasing it only for gamecube would be letting a perfectly good oportunity to have a zelda game on wii go to waste.
super mario galaxy was probably the best looking wii game shown. i wasn't sure if mario + wiimote would = good, but i'm glad nintendo was, 'cuz it looks like tons of fun.
if excitetruck can convey the fun & style of the original excitebike into 3d as well as excitebike 64 did, count me in. racing against friends online would just make it extra awesome.
warioware smooth moves: ah, warioware. you will no doubt give me a chance to use the wiimote in all sorts of wacky ways, and for that i thank you.
red steel: what has been one of my most anticipated wii games has dropped down on the list due to some sketchy looking controls. i don't agree with what jim said, i don't think having the wiimote control the view would be a good idea, and evidently neither did ubisoft. they said they changed it because due to the sensitivity of the wiimote, it could be a very dizzying experience. that makes perfect sense to me. the thing that worried me about the controls is nothing big, just the fact that they look in need of very fine tuning. now that's expectable, it's not a final version of the game, i was just hoping things would be more tight than they are by now. i'm still looking forward to it of course, but i'm trying not to get my hopes too high.
wii sports looks simple & fun. i think this will provide many a good time with friends.
super monkey ball banana blitz: i was never a big monkey ball fan (yes, i just said "big monkey ball"), but i'm more than willing to give this one a shot. i think the wiimote will give the series that extra little umph it needs to roll into my heart.

xbox 360

my plan is to get a 360 either when there's a price drop or when halo 3 comes out.
if gears of war turns out to be as awesome as it could; then shit, we'll all have a damn fine game to play.
lost planet's demo is amazing. i can't believe we have to wait till later this year to get the full game. with all that time left to polish & finish the game, i can't see how this game won't rock.
splinter cell double agent: remember that part of the trailer when sam jumped out from under the ice and killed that guy? yeah, so do i. if my memory doesn't fail me, i was drooling profusely.

ps3

metal gear solid 4 guns of the patriots: ho-lee shit. i don't think a game trailer has ever been that great. i was speechless at the end.
assassin's creed looks beyond sweet, and i'll definitely be getting it if ps3s are ever affordable.
i think it's safe to say virtua fighter 5 is the most beautiful looking fighting game to date. that plus the awesome, deep gameplay of the virtua fighter series reeeally makes upset that ps3 will probably be the only console to get it.
resistance fall of man looks like a nice, solid, fun fps.

ps2

god of war 2: what can i say? this game looks pret-ty awesome. cutting off the wings of the thing you're riding on? badass.

psp

locoroco has been my most (well, come to think of it, ONLY) anticipated psp game for a looong time. after playing the demo, i want it even more.
every extend extra: tetsuya mizuguchi makes great games. i don't see why he'd break tradition now.

jim's E3 disappointments:

ps3

600 dollars? for a playstation? get the fuck out.
ps3's controller is a culmination of other people's ideas. the xbox 360's triggers and guide button, a tilt sensor reminiscent of an old logitech pc controller, (which still fails to 1up the wii) and the four controller lights on the top are awfully similar to those on the wii-mote.
the controller looks almost identical to every analog stick sporting controller sony has EVER PRODUCED. good job, guys. way to think outside the box.
even though the new controller looks just like the dual shock, they nixed the vibrating function. sorry ladies.
warhawk looks like crimson skies without the charm.
where the hell was the infamous killzone2? could it be vaporware? we'll see next year.

xbox 360

shadowrun. hype, hype, and more hype. essentially, it looks like a nicely textured xbox 1 shooter, but still comes nowhere close to something like unreal championship 2. with all this talk of a cyberpunk garage game rpg, i didn't expect a mediocre shooter. xblm had two videos for this. two.
for all the talk, too human looks pretty, but plays terrible. the framerate is a slideshow, and most attacks never made their mark. we expect an explanation egm. you hyped the crap out of it and even had a hands on experience. you did nothing but praise it. wtf.
prey's framerate is unnacceptable. it was very ambitious, but its biggest mistake was choosing the doom3 engine. look how far quake4 got with it. terrible framerates, and ugly mapping. move on fellas. unreal engine3 is where it's at..
saint's row had not even one playable demo or new trailer. what's up with that? couldn't get above 15fps?
really want to play lumines on my 360, but not with madonna. ...unless it's "1993 body of evidence" madonna.

wii

tony hawk's downhill jam for wii looks worse than most gamecube games. in fact, it looks like a dreamcast game. methinks activision hired the wrong dev team (their last project? disney skate adventure.)

ps2

god hand looks like crap, plays like crap, and like most listings in our disappointment bin, was over-hyped.

psp

lumines with a disney license? i heard good things about the squeenix/disney projects, but don't you dare fuck with my lumines. madonna's already tainted them on the xbl arcade.
not enough psp titles announced. if they faze this sucker out already i'ma kick some ass.

alex's E3 disappointments:

i don't really have enough gripes to separate them into categories, so i'll just give you a paragraph of the shit that stank the most.

devil may cry 4 was a no-show. lame. i didn't really care, 'cuz i was expecting it, but it was still poopy to officially find out ps3 would be an ass-ripping $600. how on earth am i gonna play mgs4, sony?! i'm not rich! psh... and that controller? at first, i was angry, but then it just became laughable. oh, sony. you're the "brian wondra" of video games. i was also kinda bummed there was no mention of the next resident evil. i really would liked to have seen some new stuff. oh well. there's always tgs.

Adventures in Google

2006-05-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

we are now the fourth entry when searching for "antifanboy", the seventh when searching for anti-fanboy, and the tenth when searching for "anti fanboy". i feel a bit of accomplishment. strangely enough, our deviantart and youtube profiles come up before the actual site, but that's okay. if you search for "antifanboy" deviantart is the first and youtube is the seventh and eighth. search for "anti-fanboy" and our deviantart is fifth, and our forums are tenth.

go figya.

also, i've changed a few things around the site on this, the last day of e3. we now have a tried and true rss feed system, via feedburner. they're pro, so go ahead and add us. once we get a few subscribers to our feed, we'll post a reader counter. scroll down, and you'll see two new ads. one's for "it's always sunny in philadelphia," the other's for "the venture bros". the new seasons start soon, and i love both those shows, so i'm promoting them. no harm in that. their fanbase could certainly grow.

*in response to your comment, yes, we will eventually get a domain name and hosting service. for now, though, we're flat broke. let's just say our company budget is "the value menu".

Yuu Just Don't Get It

2006-05-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

a large number of reporters from e3 have stated that the wii's motion control feels too loose, and have complained that even the developers had a hard time controlling (zelda for instance). my argument? of course it's going to be tough. every new control scheme has a learning curve. when i started playing shooters on the xbox, i was terrible. i'd walk into walls, overshoot my targets, and generally look like a jackass. now, i can rack up as many kills as the next guy. try putting a seasoned xbox shooter in front of a mouse and keyboard for counter-strike. now he looks like a jackass. that same analogy applies to the wiimote. it just takes some getting used to. it's nintendo, i'm sure they'll work out any bugs it may have aswell in time for launch.

Watermarks Suck

2006-05-11T08:23:00.000-07:00

i'm tired of all these images and videos from gamespot, ign, 1up and every other gaming news website under the sun having large, obnoxious watermarks. if you made the image, found the image, or took the image, by all means watermark it. but if you got your media in a press kit, don't watermark it as your own. everybody got that press kit. shut the fuck up.

What The Fuck Happened to Kotaku?

2006-05-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

seriously. this was posted today for fucksake. when they aren't posting old game commercials from youtube, they are posting shit like this. i remember when crecente and company ran the best video game news blog on the internets. now it's reduced to posting old shit, stupid shit, and pointless shit. i'd rather they didn't post at all if they are in a dry spell. it's better than spamming your faithful rss'ers.

like the new format though kotaku; all the gawker sites got a much desired facelift.

Bringing Home the Bacon

2006-05-08T21:33:00.000-07:00

as promised, the xbox live team is "bringing it home" for this year's e3. already up on the marketplace:

test drive unlimited demo and e306 trailer
dead rising e306 trailer
lotr battle for middle earth II e306 trailer
brothers in arms hell's highway e306 trailer
john woo presents stranglehold e306 trailer
sonic the hedgehog e306 trailer
rain e306 trailer
ddr universe e306 trailer
bullet witch e306 trailer

...and it's only monday! the lost planet demo arrives tuesday and the motogp06 demo on thursday. there's a chromehounds demo scheduled for later on in the week, but that's what sega's saying, not m$. also on the way are more hi-def trailers than you can shake a stick at and new call of duty maps should arrive wednesday. i suggest turning off your torrents, finding a tv or monitor no one is using, hooking your 360 up to it, and downloading all the new content on the marketplace this week. it's gonna be chronicles of riddick-ulous*.

*chronicles of riddick-ulous tm 2004 alex hiner

Super Princess Peach

2006-05-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

yesterday super princess peach finally came via gamefly. it slowly got pushed below games like tomb raider legend, chibi robo, oblivion, etcetera... etc. but now it's in my ds, and guess what? it's great! it's a bright, colorful 2d sidescroller from the guys who brought us mario. what more could be asked of this game? apparently, alot of nintendo fanboys found it to be way too easy, because they were able to blast through it in a few hours. true, i started the file and beat bowser within 5 hours; but afterward, i went back and looked for the hidden toads, played the numerous minigames, and collected puzzle pieces and songs. the game is deeper than most of these speed run braggarts will admit.

mario, luigi, and a bunch of toads are kidnapped by bowser, and the mushroom kingdom is sent into emotional chaos. one toad cries, one toad is angry, another is happy as a clam. this is all due to a magical vibe sceptor blah blah blah. point is, peach has to save them utilizing a magical talking parasol and on-cue mood swings. these aren't just gimmicks, however, as they come in handy for everything from puzzles to accessing hard to reach areas. the happy vibe spins her like a tornado, which can be used to float or fly up to higher levels. it also gets rid of clouds that block doors and spins windmills. making her cry has several advantages. she runs faster, can make beanstalks grow, spin waterwheels, diffuse sand blockades, and in the icy levels, make slicker surfaces to slide on. making her angry envelopes her in fire, which kills just about anything she comes in contacts with, makes every landing an earth-shattering stomp, lights torches, and even works with hot air balloons. making her calm uses up the vibe meter to refill health. this comes in handy on some of the more frustrating boss fights.

the levels are expansive, well designed, and colorful. each has its own pallette, look, and enemies. you can complete the main campaign in a few hours, but that's probably because you won't want to put it down. like mario vs donkey kong for the gba, the gameplay is fun and addictive, but the campaign is short and somewhat easy. overall, this is still a great addition to your ds library.

verdict: 08/10; worth purchasing. probably looks brilliant on the dslite.

Chibi Robo

2006-04-29T00:33:00.000-07:00

cute. quirky. japanese. this alone does not a good game make. maybe i like to play for more than 2 minutes at a time without having to wade through meaningless dialogue. i like a game with a plot, a point. if not, something that is atleast fun for a few minutes. this is not my kind of game. it takes an asbestos gut to stomach chibi robo with a smile. at times it can be cute, but i couldn't play it for more than a couple of hours before i was ready to ship it back to japan. it's a well put together game, the visuals are sacharrine sweet, but it's just a little too up its own ass for me to enjoy.

verdict: 6.5/10; this game's cute, but not worth adding to your library.

Samurai Champloo: Sidetracked

2006-04-29T00:13:00.000-07:00

i'm a huge samurai champloo fan. i've got the box set, a wall scroll above my tv, and my current background sports a character tryptich of mugen, jin and fuu. that being said, this game is awful. i expected so much better from this. grasshopper, the developers that brought us the critically acclaimed killer7 were making a game about the side adventures of the champloo gang. great! i hoped and prayed it would turn out better than the cowboy bebop game (again, huge fan) and it had the makings of a great anime game. sadly, it's worse. much worse. the music based hack n slash gameplay really has little to no bearing on the outcome of fights. at most, it means you tap square less. the story is laughable, the dialogue is about as well written as a late night cinemax original movie. they did a nice job with the characters, but the animations are way too eratic to enjoy. i've seen more depth in gameplay with flash banner ads. i'm just going to score this now, because i have a throbbing temple, sore thumbs, and a bad taste in my mouth that won't go away.

verdict: 04/10; fans will be depressed...

Wiivolution

2006-04-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

nintendo has decided upon a new name for the revolution.

Introducing: Wii.

As in "we".

While the code-name "Revolution" expressed our direction, Wii represents the answer.

Wii will break down that wall that separates video game players from everybody else.

Wii will put people more in touch with their games... and eachother. But you're probably asking: What does the name mean?

Wii sounds like "we," which emphasizes this console is for everyone.

Wii can easily be remembered by people around the world, no matter what language they speak. No confusion. No need to abbreviate. Just Wii.

Wii has a distinctive "ii" spelling that symbolizes both the unique controllers and the image of people gathering to play.

And Wii, as a name and a console, brings something revolutionary to the world of video games that sets it apart from the crowd.

So that's Wii. But now Nintendo needs you.

Because, it's really not about you or me.

It's about Wii.

And together, Wii will change everything.

cute! maybe they can call their unified online service "WiiFi".

via revolution.nintendo.com

Hey, You Got Steam in My 360...

2006-04-27T08:39:00.000-07:00

...and you got 360 in my steam! wait a minute...

holy shit! i emailed a guy i know at valve software a few weeks ago, and suggested that they take counter-strike source, day of defeat source and half life 2 deathmatch to the 360, since the marketplace platform is very similar to steam, and the 360 can handle all the games valve are developing. today, steam news released this:

First title coming soon to Microsoft's Next Generation Console

Bellevue, WA - April 26, 2006 - Valve, a leading entertainment and technology studio, is pleased to announce development of future game releases for the Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system from Microsoft.

The coming titles will be powered by a customized version of Source, the technology that powered Valve's Half-Life 2. Source provides state of the art performance in graphics, networking, artificial intelligence, physics simulatio, and more.

"The combination of Source and the 360 provides game designers the chance to create powerful entertainment experiences," said Gabe Newell, president and co-founder of Valve. "Whether developing a traditional FPS, RTS, RPG or delving into new genres, the Xbox 360 is a great platform for expanding Source and our game experiences."

The Valve 360 products are being designed to leverage the Xbox 360's advanced graphics hardware and integration with Xbox Live online game service.

could all be a big coincidence, but either way i'm so psyched i'm shitting butterflies.

LocoRoco Demo Available!

2006-04-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

yup. that's the locoroco demo playing on my psp. how, exactly? this is how. it's really fun, the visuals are super-crisp, and you get the same feeling as when you played katamari for the first time (but it's really nothing like it). beware: it's in japanese and requires the 2.7 firmware update.

*props to alex for emailing this to me last night.

Dark Messiah Blows Away Oblivion

2006-04-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

atleast, that's what i predict game publication's headlines will read this summer. hop on over to gamevideos (1up's answer to gametrailers) to download an hd gameplay trailer too big for the 'tube. if based on its superior gameplay alone, it would make oblivion look mediocre, but the advanced physics (source engine, thenkyaw!), interactive environmental puzzles (ala half life 2), and beautiful architecture, models and textures make oblivion look downright shoddy. the different ways you can approach each situation (gung ho vs stealth) and the intense melee combat (kick button wtf) have me slobbering all over my keyboard. one feature that looks expecially delicious are the different stances you can take and locking swords with your enemy. the magic spells definitely put oblivion's to shame. i'm not dissing the elder scrolls, i'm just saying that this game looks waaay better.

Tomb Raider: Legend 360

2006-04-14T18:25:00.000-07:00

i was admittedly unsure about lara's latest adventure. i wrote it off as "another tomb raider" ... ugh. even after i saw the spectacular visuals, i had reservations. the other games looked good for when they were released, but played about as fluidly as a point & click adventure. if anyone can bounce back from terrible mediocrity though, it's lady croft.

crystal dynamics took back the reigns to the tomb raider franchise, and instead of simply bleeding the turnip, they took the seeds and grew it in a whole new garden. her look was the first renovation; all the nipping and tucking was reversed, and she was modelled after actual women. they finally outfitted her in something sensible, and gave her a haircut; that long braid was bound to get her killed sooner or later. i was also very glad to see the john lennon shades go. they were so... blossom.

the game turned out magnificently. the animations are smooth and realistic, the character and weapon models look fantastic, and the textures are crisp and beautiful. lara is easy to control; she jumps, rolls, slides, climbs and shimmies with natural ease. each level has a combination of swing bars, ropes, and ledges, but somehow it remains fresh and fun. the camera can oft-times be a bit of a problem, especially in dark, claustrophobic areas, but that can be remedied by flicking it up above you for an aerial view. from bolivia's lush cliffsides to tokyo's neon cityscape; kazakhstan's snowy mountaintops to the rainy streets of london, the settings each have their own individual color pallettes, architecture, foliage, and environmental puzzles. most importantly, the game stays true to its namesake. no matter where she goes, at some point she will raid a tomb.

lara is incredibly detailed. when you climb out of the water, her hair, clothes, and skin look wet; and later on you can see the actual drips on her face and chest. after an intense boss battle she's visibly dirty. you can see the grenades you pick up around her waist, and the guns you pick up on her back. in fact, her model is so detailed, you can see her entire inventory without ever entering a menu. this, like the gameplay, gives the game a more organic feel. the other models aren't as well done as our hero's though. most of them look like they stepped out of an old navy ad six years ago, and every female character is a paper doll of lady croft; they just change the hair, clothes, and skin color. boom! whole new person. i expect as much from lupin the third, but...

keeley hawes, lara's voice actress, does a magnificent job. she breathes life into her character, with an emotional range that could carry a radio drama. the rest of the v-o work is phoned in, however. zip, her tech guru on the other end of her earpiece sounds like the same guy who does every quasi-black dude in video games (because he is). he tries too hard to be the cool black guy with all white friends, so he ends up saying things like "fucklift," and having no friends. the ambient noise is extremely well done, and every stage is framed by a magnificent score. even though there is nary a moment where you aren't doing something; when you take a break, soak in your surroundings, and the background music swells, you can't help but feel like you're playing out a movie.

the 360 version is more than just a port. true, it's the same game, but with more than a simple coat of paint. screenshots don't do it justice. it really has to be witnessed in action. the lighting and mapping are magnificent, giving the feeling that this world she's in, no matter how fantastic or ridiculous, very well could exist. having played nothing but shooters and fighters for the last few months, legend is a breast of fresh air.

verdict: 08/10; crystal dynamics have outdone themselves. bravo, gents.

Red Steel is a Tease

2006-04-13T03:16:00.000-07:00

ubisoft finally opened the teaser site for red steel, the upcoming first person shooter for the nintendo revolution. we're not a news site, but certain things (like a revolution fps with swords and guns) are certainly welcome.

Feel Free to Link, Anytime...

2006-04-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

start spreadin' the news. you link us, we'll link you!

Advertising Now Available

2006-04-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

i just put some adspace on the site, which can be purchased through the contact us button on the right. i also added a google search bar and google ads to generate some hosting revenue, as i'm flat broke but want a domain and a server. full on ipb forums in the latest version would be sweet too, so get crackin on the ad clickin. open 'em in a new tab, and if you don't know what that means, click the firefox ad at the bottom of the sidebar. i get a dollar, and you get the official browser of the anti-fanboy's editor in chief.

[plug] i use firefox and it makes my browsing experience much easier. [/plug]

VG Cats is teh WINNAR!

2006-04-10T18:50:00.000-07:00

bravo, vgcats. bravo.

Cover Story April 06: How Lara Got Her Groove Back

2006-04-10T08:56:00.000-07:00

lara croft has been through some tough times. she's been mauled by wild tigers, shot at and boobytrapped, yet the worst she's had it was when eidos drove her franchise into the ground. after angel of darkness (the last time eidos said they were reviving tomb raider) she got a slight makeover, but she still looked more plastic than gidget. where were the tombs she was so famous for raiding? were they traded for the worthless stealth system, or the dark sewers of paris?

after a few years hiatus, she's come back, and she - looks - marvelous! a complete visual overhaul and a back to the basics attitude was just what she needed. in the 360 demo i played, she looked to be in fine shape, jumping and climbing about like one persian prince we're all familiar with. the controls feel natural, and no goal feels out of reach. if you see a ledge, chances are you can climb it. puzzles are fun to solve and poles can easily be danced -er... swung from.

it suffers the usual calamities of complicated afterthoughts like her pda and binoculars. combat is wonky, and i'd much rather the bad guys stayed home. they ruined my and lady croft's vacation. lara's voice actress does a wonderful job, as her silky delivery gives you a warm feeling, and for once you feel like you are there with a real person, not a "real doll" in hot pants.

lastly, i'd like to mention the pure sex that is: karima adebibe. yum. from rhona mitra to nell mcandrew to lucy clarkson to karima adebibe, eidos certainly has good taste in who represents the most famous archaeologist since indiana jones. karima is all kinds of gorgeous.

okay, that's enough. this isn't ign.

Clash of the Industries Part I: Games in Movies

2006-04-07T00:21:00.000-07:00

before the modern video game movie, there were movies that revolved around video games. they were partly a ploy to generate juvenile interest in a crappy movie, simulate popular culture, or create buzz, but sometimes they were simply elaborate advertising campaigns for computers and video game consoles. remember wanting the synthesizer and computer ferris bueller used to ditch school? how about the newton john connor used to hack a security keypad in terminator 2? i'll cite a few of the most notoriously shameful examples...

1983: wargames
matthew broderick is a bored teenager who hacks norad in his spare time. he meets falkin, a computerized relic of his programmer. broderick decides to play a game with falkin, the only problem is: the missiles are real. this may have been more of a statement against reagan's star wars defense plan than a marketing campaign for a computer most people haven't heard of; but after wargames, who doesn't want to play global thermonuclear war on their imsai 8080?

1984: cloak & dagger
dabney coleman must have been on contract for atleast 2 shitty techno thrillers that year, as he takes second billing on this and wargames. the star is a still adorable henry thomas. if his name doesn't ring a bell, it's probably because the last time you saw him in a movie, he was pedalling a bicycle in front of the moon with et in the basket. the "bad guys" hide a micro chip inside an atari cartridge that grants access to top secret military plans for an "invisible bomber plane". of all the stinkers they released in the eightees, this one reeks. the dialogue and story sound as if a drugged up, 6 year old drew barrymore wrote it, and decided her movie-brother should star. she had a sweet little lisp, and talking out the side of her mouth was cute back then. i bet she had pull in hollywood. ...anyway, this movie had atari branding everywhere, from the 5200 they used to the posters on the walls. it even had a tie in video game, originally under development by the name of agent x. try and watch this all the way through. just try.

1989: the wizard
the wonder years' fred savage stars as the older brother of a nintendo savante. deaf to the world around him, jimmy is unusually good at nes. due to his anti-social behavior, his parents want to send him to an institution, but older brother fred won't have it. they flee to california. as soon as they get off the bus, they figure out it takes money to... um, live... so while fred goes out to find money, jimmy racks up 50,000 points in double dragon (for some reason even the arcade cabinets have nes' in them), attracting the attention of another runaway, haley. she clues them in on the 50,000 dollar purse in a fictional nes tourney. before they get to california, haley decides they need to stop by her home in reno. while bumming aroung the local arcade, jimmy beats an nes salesman and attracts the attention of a kid who points them to the baddest of badasses, lucas. their meeting in this classic scene sets the tone for the rest of the movie. they are no longer a rag-tag trio of runaway children, they are warrior gamers. together they must face lucas, with his... powerglove. basically, this is an hour and a half long infomercial for a worthless nintendo accessory. the only way this could have been worse: lucas is really rob the robot in disguise.

1993: surf ninjas
what do rob shneider, leslie nielsen, kelly hu, the kid who played keno in tmnt II: secret of the ooze, and his father, the guy who played akuma in the street fighter movie have in common? yes, they all fueled the fire that slowly killed the film industry, but their biggest cooperative achievement was a movie that combined ninjustsu with surfing. this, however, was just a fray in a string of ninja-sploitation films in the late eighties/early nineties that included american ninja 2: the confrontation and three ninjas: high noon at mega mountain. they're what i like to call "pizza hut movies," as there was usually some kind of tie-in deal with the greasy franchise. it turns out keno and his little brother are actually ninja royalty, who were smuggled off the island they kindly ruled over when leslie nielsen (aka colonel chi) killed their father and seized power. a ninja who once served their father comes to rescue them when chi decides to kill them off. needless to say, there's lots of surfing, and lots of ninjas. the more groan-worthy event in the movie is the power keno's younger brother recieves: he can see the future through his sega game gear. no shit. of course, he sees it all in wonderful 8 bit clarity, 8 seconds before it happens, so really, the best he can manage is a "watch out behind you!" throughout the entire movie. it must have gone over quite well in asia, as they have superior cover art.

coming soon: "clash of the industries part II: 2d fighter adaptations"

Tetris DS

2006-04-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

ah, Tetris. we all know it. we all (well most of us) love it. no doubt because it's one of the greatest & most timeless games ever. so how's the recently released DS incarnation of the classic? pretty darn sweet. the standard mode is, well, standard tetris; except now you can save a piece for later by pressing R or L. this comes in handy, & in my opinion, is a great new feature. some complain that Tetris DS is "broken" because you can continue to rotate a piece even when it has landed. this can definitely make things easier, but isn't really that big of a deal. they could have at least included an option to turn it off, just so people couldn't whine about it, but whatever, they didn't.

the new modes are actually quite enjoyable, & don't just feel like filler. in puzzle mode you need to clear the lines with only the pieces provided. in touch mode, the pieces aren't constantly falling, but instead are already piled up in front of you. your job is to drag & rotate them with the stylus to clear lines. there's also a puzzle version of touch mode. these're all nice, less hectic alternatives to the standard Tetris we're all used to. good to play before bed, or when you're trying to relax. when you're in the mood for something less laid back, there's mission mode, which requires you to clear lines in certain ways, or with certain blocks. if you fail to complete a mission in time, gray blocks come from the bottom as punishment. in push mode the "bottom" is in the middle of the two screens. whenever you clear a line, it goes down, closer to to your rival's end zone. push is more fun against an actual human opponent than against the computer, of course.

speaking of actual humans, Tetris DS has some great multiplayer features. up to ten people can engage in fierce line-clearing battles with just one game cartridge. the items they put in multiplayer can be fun, but I prefer to play without em. feel like going Wi-Fi on someone's ass? well, as I'm sure you've already heard, Tetris DS supports Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection play for up to four players. if you're a fan of Tetris, then this would make a great addition to your DS collection. it's the same addicting puzzle game that's kicked ass over the years, but with some cool new modes, Wi-Fi multiplayer, & a pretty new box.

...& yes, I see tetriminos when I close my eyes.

verdict: 09/10; if you like Tetris, buy this game.

I Hate April Fool's

2006-04-04T03:01:00.001-07:00

i go about my daily routine of checking all the reputable news sites, sometimes backtracking a few pages to see what i missed while i was living life afk. i run across some interesting stories, and i realise that i have no way of knowing if they are real, or a prank for april first. it was cute when egm did it long ago, and got everyone all hopped up about a secret street fighter character, but now it's become the one day (sometimes month) for once trusted news sources to jerk all their readers around. the joke's worn off guys. i actually want to hear real news in the crucial month before e3. i still have no idea whether or not a bob ross game is in the works for revolution and ds... i for one, would love making "happy little trees" with my stylus or remote. american mcgee's hansel and gretel could be pretty sweet. it's the fourth guys, get back to work.

Naruto: Clash of the Ninja

2006-04-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

i have to admit: i'm not as big a fan of naruto as alex is. i wrote it off as another dragon ball z or pokemon. i'm more into grown-up anime, like lupin the III, fooly cooly, cowboy bebop, and samurai champloo; but even i have to admit that i underestimated naruto. superb animation, cool characters, elaborate fighting, and a sharp artstyle have me caught up in the storm. i haven't started tuning in, but im looking forward to the games. they look better than most others on the same systems, and as long as i can import them (and i don't have to listen to naruto's american voice actor) i'm psyched.

when i saw the previews for clash of the ninja, it looked pretty sweet. it was a nicely cel-shaded gamecube fighter with fast and frantic gameplay. i watched a few videos, and added it to my gf queue. when it arrived yesterday, i popped it in and started as my favorite character, sasuke. i finished the game with each character, until i was done. skipping the credits would be nice, as the campaigns are short lived. there aren't that many moves, just basic melee, strong alternates, counters, and one special attack for each character. needless to say, this shit gets old fast. playing the game throughout doesn't even yield decent enough extras. i was disappointed to say the least.

verdict: 6.5/10; not enough to stave off your hunger for a good naruto fighting game. wait for the upcoming naruto uzumaki ninden and naruto: ultimate ninja games on ps2.

The Dust Clears...

2006-04-01T21:14:00.000-08:00

the anti-fanboy's design is finally finished! trust me, if it had a smell, it would be something between a disney-world luxury resort's air conditioning and new car. after months of remodeling, slowly shaping what is now the anti-fanboy, i can focus on other projects, like my personal blog: "i am jim's alter ego", aka "project mayhem". i figure tyler durden is as good a role model as any. thank you chuck palahniuk. your stories inspire and sicken me. i'm also working on the forums, which is turning out to be a hell of a project with no css coding background. i'll link it up when i'm done.

Upload Lands on TechEBlog

2006-03-30T00:49:00.000-08:00

boy oh boy, a video i uploaded to youtube was recently embedded in a techEblog article about cell factor and the physx card. free buzz!

wow i'm pathetic.

New Message Boards!

2006-03-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

yay! these don't suck half as much as those freakin hyperboards! they're still free too!

link's to the right, or click here. i wanted the forums to look more like this, but unfortunately the free ones aren't all that up to date. still running 1.3, when a sophisticated template like that one requires atleast 2.1. oh well, when the ad money starts coming in, and we get a legit domain and hosting that supports such silliness, then there will be a modified version of that template running as our forums. til then, shit, they're still invision powerboards!

Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

2006-03-26T02:01:00.000-08:00

when i first saw a video for bethesda's massive 360 first person rpg, i was interested. it had fancy swordplay in gorgeous environments and suits of armour... what's not to love? i found out when it arrived via gamefly.

starting up, i'm introduced to a hideously ugly face. this is my character. i guess making him look like he has "down's" is incentive to mess around with their amazingly detailed character creation system. i find that even though it is extensive and the options are endless, every character i make looks like he's staring at his reflection in a "vom" filled toilet after a night of binging on mead. i decide to make him a redguard with a huge supafly fro, and name him "jim beam" after what the local liquor store clerk insists on calling me; except if i were to spell it like he pronounces it in his heavy mexican accent, it would be "jeeng beeng." no matter what i do, this guy just looks terrible, so i decide to cut it short and procede with the story.

patrick stewart is fantastic as the emperor of tamriel, and his voice-acting puts most to shame. i tend to snort and giggle at all this medieval times dialogue, which probably doesn't help mien case, true believers. the beginning of this game is spent in darkness, as i go from a dungeon cell to goblin and rat infested caves, then yeehaw!, the fucking sewers. even though i hate dungeon crawling in my videogames, at the end of my lightless visit in the world below, i realise that it serves as a perfect training ground and place to build my character. before seeing light for the first time since i booted up, i'm given another chance to get everything straightened up, stats-wise. the class building system certainly puts final fantasy to shame. hear that square? ff's not so fucking great! i build my own class, hustler, combining the best traits of theif, spy, and assassin, creating a smoothtalking conman who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.

i killed a couple of bandits, looted their bodies and campsite, fought a skeleton, forraged for herbs, and stole from the first inn on the road. i pushed my luck, and got caught; paid a fine, got all my stolen shit confiscated, and went into town to do the same damn thing. i got caught once by another innskeeper, and again pick-pocketting an orc and an imperial guard; fought them to my death, stole from copious barrels and crates around town and in the inns, and i even stole from the local church. fuck gta dude, jack thompson should beat his chest over this! i then killed a homeless guy in his sleep, sold some shit, and got caught stealing again in town hall. needless to say, i chose to resist arrest, and in my attempt to run from the authorities, i ran outside. it autosaved with me still wanted by the guardsmen and low on health, and no matter what i did, i was no match for the authorities. it became an endless loop of death. that's when i sighed a reluctant, "fuck it" and sealed it in the gamefly return envelope.

even with the whole "tap A while it boots" thing, i found my entire experience to be filled with loading times, as well as dropping framerate regularly, which for most other games would be the kiss of next gen death; yet oblivion is so engaging, even though it bothered me, i pressed on. i wanted to see what was over the next hill, behind the next door. time flew, and i was having fun.

verdict: 8.7/10; this is easily the most enjoyable rpg on the market. here's hoping mass effect blows it away.

Metroid Prime: Multiplayer Impressions

2006-03-26T01:28:00.000-08:00

i have a sneaking suspicion this game is better suited for the dslite. while permanently fusing my right hand into a hook, i realised that a bigger stylus and higher dpad would keep this game's frantic wifi multiplayer fun, and not hideously painful. then i remembered that i was broke, so i could get no dslite. even if i had the cash, i'd have to wait for it to come available again, plus i have a feeling i should stop importing all my portables (white ds and psp, famicom gbamicro).

even though this game's wifi system is much more advanced than mario kart's, i have only been able to find one person matches, and i always get creamed. i'll be honest, i am pretty foreign to the metroid prime series. i played metroid and super metroid growing up and loved them. i was sort of late to the whole gamecube thing for a while, so i missed the hubbub over the first two prime games. i rented them both, and found them to be lackluster shooters. i know there are a shit-ton of nin'do fanboys that would like nothing better than to rip my throat out and shit in my bloody neck-hole, but it's my opinion. i love most of the nintendo titles for gcn, except for maybe f-zero and animal crossing. oh boy, here we go again.

hunters was a different experience than the first two primes, mainly because even though it didn't look better than the gamecube variety, it played better. even with a unified wifi system in its infancy, slightly better than 64 bit graphics, and an uncomfortable control setup, metroid prime: hunters' multiplayer is alot of fun. i mean, atleast every face button is jump. it could have been much worse. i'm really looking forward to seeing what they do with ds shooters in the progressing years.

verdict: 8.5/10; buy it with your dslite. until then, save yourself the arthritis meds.

GDC, the Lesser E3

2006-03-26T01:12:00.000-08:00

behold: cell factor and crysis gameplay videos. i'm really looking forward to these two first person shooters. i wish them all the success in the world. i might even have to go out and buy the ageia physx card for that first game alone. when i was a tester for advent rising, i got completely ignored, apparently, because this is a first person version of what i suggested that game should be. see guys? you ignore testers and you get to release something utterly unplayable. game producers are such primadonnas. you hear me infogrames, you french bastards.

(**thanks to gametrailers for the footage. if their whole popup media player system wasn't so farked, i'd just link directly to the videos. oh well.**)

Metal Gear Solid: Multiplayer Live-Blog

2006-03-15T13:33:00.001-08:00

5:45pm
the game is in my hands, and it looks beautiful. but king of the hill is on in fifteen minutes. the game can wait. bobby hill will not.

6:30pm
i'm inviting alex over. he's still pretty sick, but he's going to go pick up the game in a few minutes. atleast i won't be alone online.

7:00pm
king of the hill is over. the okami demo is in the latest opm, and i've been dying to try it out. i'll squeeze in a little japanese painting wolf game before i hop online in mgs.

7:30pm
opm sucks balls. the demo timed out in the middle of explaining what this sword thing was. i soooo want okami to just eat that bouncing fairy...

8:00pm
well okami is awesome, but neither of my metal gear solid discs fucking work. they are stuck on an endless menu loop. i'm gonna shit in the mouth of whoever let this bullshit happen. it goes to the camo splash screen of snake disarming a guy, and tells me to hit the start button. i do, and it brings me to a screen with options. i select an option, and it reroutes me to the splash screen. times fucking infinity. this is a huge letdown. i feel like killing, crying, throwing up, or a little bit of all three.

8:15pm
i get a call from alex. i tell him my problem, and since he's had more "metal-gearsperience" than i have, he tells me kojima-san kept the japanese control scheme, where circle is confirm and x is cancel. i slap my forehead, and realise that my import white psp is the same. of course, america had to change it, because we are stupid roundeyes who can't handle the concept of x meaning cancel. damn you hideo, for being so effing rad.

8:30pm
i am set up, and logged on. at the moment there are over 2000 players plying online, 982 in the "snake" server alone. i start it up, get my controls right, and i'm completely and utterly lost.

9:00pm
i'm never live blogging again. it sounded like a good idea for this, but i should have just recapped. this shit is so lame, i see why nobody reads them. anyway, i've finally got most of the little nuances, but i'm still getting creamed. i've killed my share of reds, but nonetheless, if this game were ranked, i'd be in the negatives. unc_tarheel has found a sweet little hising spot, and he's been sniping our team off every round. i'm hiding in a cardboard box at the moment. this is just too fucking cool.

11:00pm
so i just tried team deathmatch, the frog thing, and now sneaking mission. they are all totally worth the low price of this game. as a guy who didn't beat metal gear solid 2, didn't play metal gear solid, and waited til now to play metal gear solid 3, i must say i'm quite impressed. the camera still perplexes me, as you don't aim with it at all. after a while i got used to it, but it's still a little wacky. it feels just like metal gear solid. multiplayer gets an A- from me. as a multiplayer game, it's not that great, but as a multiplayer metal gear solid game, it's well done. what can i say? it's fun. so far i haven't experienced a bit of lag, and the online modes and options are varied and many. if only for the persistence disc, i'd say go for it. the price, at around $29.99, is a bargain for this and the original game.

overall: 9.5/10; you will either love it right away, or learn to.

YouTube Sweetness

2006-03-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

i put up a few more game related videos on youtube, but i don't feel like taking up an entire page with embeds. how about you guys just swing on by, and check out shiggy and ancel's knighting in france, two tetris commercials (ds and nes), and even a few crazy videos, like trained japanese goldfish and flies, and even some jackass drinking a bottle of ipecac. i even uploaded the sought after natalie portman rap from snl, as well as another andy samburg skit, young chuck norris.

**both snl skits were removed by nbc's lawyers, because they are humongous cocksuckers. they can go fuck themselves.**

Gamespot Silliness

2006-03-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

gamespot's acting quite farked, like usual. they give the outfit a 6.7 (fair) yet it's plastered all over the front home page, on the top and sides. grow some balls to turn down advertising for the game you just game a shit score guys. this is exactly the reason the anti-fanboy exists.

Driver Commercial

2006-03-14T08:34:00.000-08:00

here's a bit of nostalgia, since today is the day that driver: parrallel lines is released. i'll get my final copy in a few days, but from what i've played of it til now, the driving is solid, and feels more like driver: wheelman than driv3r. that's very good. the story and characters sound cool, with it taking place in the seventies in new york. great soundtrack so far, and the cars look fantastic. high hopes!

so here's the commercial for driver: the wheelman for playstation one. it's got huggy bear baby! and a theme i had caught in my head until i bought it. then i pretty much vegged for hours in front of the tv, getting the cops to chase me for hours, until they flipped my car. always fun. i hope they leave in the crazy cheats from wheelman, like freight train physics and crazy suspension!

PSP Ads Infect Everything

2006-03-14T03:30:00.000-08:00

everywhere i look, i see their annoying little psp ads. so far i've found them on ign, 1up, beloved kotaku, and i found an entire myspace profile for their corporate vandalism campaign including wallpapers for their children of the psporn. they are about to put their girlfriend's "white bits" on their psps. as for their enigmatic name, i think it suggests that your psp can sustain you. i can't wait until they actually put up a poster next to some homeless people in manhattan that says, "psp. it's all you need to live."

Be A Game Designer!

2006-03-14T01:40:00.000-08:00

uploaded by me for your convenience. feel free to spread this venereal slice of ad-nauseum throughout the inter-web.

Join the Anti-Fanboys at 1up

2006-03-14T01:05:00.000-08:00

god, i hate 1up's halfassed blog/club system. it's not a proper anything, really. i hope they aren't paying anyone for it, because on the description of your effing club, you can't even put in a link. you can't even change the description if it looks retarded. on the blog, they have no formatting buttons, and simply "hints" on the side as to what code you should enter.

but, if you are a member of the 1up network, and a reader of this fine review site, then by all means, please join our club. see, that's what my people, the african americans do. we take the snout and the gibblets and cook up somethin' delicious! just so you know, i have extreme vitteligo. like michael jackson, if he had only one surgery and didn't molest children.

Hit our G-Spot

2006-03-14T00:27:00.000-08:00

...as in hit us up on gmail, or register in the forums, or add us as a freind on 1up or myspace. i updated the right side of the site with a features and cross promotions menu, even including our uploads on youtube and flickr. it may change soon, with additions or subtractions, whathaveyou. as miss cleo used to say, "eet's ahll en de cyards".

We Got Ripped Off

2006-03-13T19:02:00.000-08:00

http://www.tranism.com/weblog/archives/2006/03/ps3_shoulda_bee.html

same concept designs, three days later than our sony article. ridiculous.

the least he could do is link us.

**fixed: man, i was so pissed off i broke title syntax.**

Ten Things We Hate About Sony

2006-03-10T01:30:00.000-08:00

it's not that i hate sony... or their playstation division. there are just certain things they do that piss me off. it's not so bad that i'd do anything destructive; throw a pie at a press conference the very worst. all of it gets me into heated discussions with freinds and family about how they are slowly fucking themselves. i have owned every playstation they put out, even my phone and camera are from them. i'm in playstation's gamer advisory panel for godssake! before i plunked down 300 bucks for an ipod, i spent 150 on their minidisc player. i should have bought the ipod in the first place. sony's success has gone to their heads, hubris has become madness, and now they've become the new microsoft. these days in the next-gen console wars, the xbox 360 is the underdog everyone is rooting for. nobody's rooting for sony, and you know why?

obnoxious marketing / advertising campaigns

graffiti is illegal; and annoying, especially when you are trying to be "anti-establishment" by wheatpasting and stencilling ugly little "urban" imps on public and private property. without permission. you know how all those kids on the street get away with it? they aren't sony, a global conglomerate whose name is known everywhere from taipei to tuscaloosa. if apple did the same thing with the ipod, or nintendo with their ds, or nokia with a cellphone, they'd get the same lambasting you got. but they aren't. they saturate our minds legally, with posters, billboards, commercials, and internet ads. they don't spraypaint dancing sillhouettes on the side of an apartment building. and the whole "provocative uk posters" telling people to put pictures of their girlfreind's naughty bits on their psps or take a flying leap into a subway tunnel are borderline criminal. the squirrels talk like amos 'n andy, the dustbunnies sound like migrant workers, and i don't care for the boston accented baseballs either. a little word of advice for you sony: fire your advertising firm. out of a cannon.

minidisc, memory stick, umd, blu-ray, etc...

i know the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you may not be right for some; but this is ridiculous. when your technology is expensive, quickly obsolete, and format after format, no one else uses it, i suggest you fire your r&d department. had sony developed flash and hard drive music players instead of minidiscs, they could have gotten a head start on the ipod. but noooooooo... same with umd. they expect people to buy a seperate movie disc just for their psp. they are the same price as dvds, for a lower quality version of the same movie that can only be played on a psp. memory sticks are more expensive than other compact flash media, and instead of going with hd-dvd for the next generation of home entertainment, already using a simple and descriptive name, they come up with blu ray, which is only better infantesimally. what's blu-ray anyway, a fucking marine animal?

ken kutaragi

he may call it the "preystation," but from the way he talks shit it should be called the "predatorstation". granted, he and his team took what was essentially sony's cd attachment for the nes and made an empire, a household name, and brought us a whole lot of final fantasy games; he still hasn't backed up most of what he's said. i bring you a few famous kutaragisms: "This time, Microsoft has stated clearly that it is going after PlayStation. However, they're going not after the PlayStation 3, but the PlayStation 2. They were looking at 2, and that's why Xbox 360 became like that." click the quote for a full (and ridiculous) list. obviously he hasn't realised that his system is the worst looking and performing...

hype

jaggies, jaggies, jaggies. that's what playstation 2 has given us so far. killzone 2's target video was obviously prerendered, thanks to award winning blur studios. i guess they are this generation's pixar, for sony's hype machine. according to sony, the playstation 2 was going to produce toy story level visuals. we're still waiting...

no unified online service

...anywhere! every developer has to work on an online multiplayer infrastructure if they want it in the game! every time you get a new game, it takes an hour just to play online, filling out form after form and setting up account after account. it's a major pain in the ass.

homebrew castrating updates

sony, is it such a fuckin threat to have emulators run on your portable gaming machine? if you're so worried about piracy, isn't that why you went with umds? with every firmware update, they eliminate another emulator/homebrew program for the psp, and every time the amateur coders spend lots of time and effort on cracking the latest patch. it's an endless cycle. you know, the fact that you can run emulators on the psp is a selling point.

"revolution killer"

so we're supposed to believe that the very same eyetoy peripheral that you've had out for years with no good games on it or really any features will blow away a system that isn't even out yet? i think you just haven't got your shit together with the ps3, and you're trying to use your old (and graphically hideous) console to cut a great system off at the knees (hypewise). it won't work though. you're the kid at the back of the schoolyard yelling "me too!" while nobody listens to you. "revolution killer," huh? will the pstwo have a back catalogue of all of the best sony titles available for download? will the pstwo have a revolutionary motion control system? will it have super smash bandicoot? no? then shut the fuck up poser.

pre-launch price gouging

kutaragi came right out and announced with a smug fucking grin on his face that his system was going to be ridiulously expensive. infact, because it runs on blu ray, they would lose money on every unit if it went for any price under $500. that smooth fucker even mentioned that you would have towork more hours to afford it. that's bad business, and just plain stupid. mark my words, playstation's downfall will be its arrogance.

spider-man movie font

okay! we get that you guys own the franchise! we know that because the first umd/blu ray movie was spider-man 2, and your ps3 tech demo was doc ock's face. we don't want our next generation hardware to be emblazoned with the spider-man movie font. i'm a huge spider-man fan and i find this obnoxious and lazy. i've seen amateur concept renders with more original fonts. i suggest you guys head over to dafont.com and get something better, or go with verdana.

ps3's design

there are so many more desirable forms they could have greenlit than the final "ken kutaragi grill". it's the exhale to 360's inhale, and silver is just plain ugly. for instance, they could have gone with that photoshopped digital projector that was circulating the web (pictured below), or my favorite yet, the ps3 monolith by singapore industrial designer jaren goh (pictured below).

Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 360

2006-03-09T05:35:00.000-08:00

yeah, i'm not gonna sugar coat it... this game is fuckin awesome. once you play through the first few levels, then hop online (where i am at the moment) the controls feel organic, natural, almost instinctual. for most of the time i was playing, i felt completely immersed; right up until i got nailed by a sniper. i gotta hand it to the dev team at ubisoft, whenever you die and spawn back in, the enemies aren't always in the same place they were before. it keeps you on your toes, frosty. the game looks beautiful, with a spectacular draw distance (online a sniper on one end of the junkyard level can peck off the other team as they spawn... yikes!). i really don't have any gripes with this game. the online play is the best on 360 yet (minimal lag, no disconnects so far) and i haven't run into any annoying little kids either. the game is solid, pretty, and most definitely next gen. it was worth the wait, and of all the games on the 360 so far, ghost recon 3 is the most worthy or your hard earned sixty.

verdict: 9.5/10; if you're going to buy two 360 titles, make it this one and burnout.

Message Boards!

2006-02-22T12:10:00.000-08:00

the anti-fanboy message boards

OMGoogle

2006-02-21T06:31:00.000-08:00

what was i just fuckin talking about?

Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure

2006-02-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

i recently gamefly'd marc ecko's first foray into the video games industry; half expecting it to be like any of the other games "infogrames", the french company who bought the name "atari" has churned out over the past 5 or so years. having tested for them in the past, i can say from personal experience that they don't so much "develop" games as congeal them in the latrine. past masterpieces include that awful superman game and that awful terminator game (the one before T3). it looks like this whole wretching out horrible games thing has worn off with their recent financial troubles, as getting up and test drive unlimited are changing my view of their company.

usually i wouldn't remark on the publisher before the game, but when something this good comes from a publisher that has turned my stomach with their games in the past, i have to say something. the first thing i noticed was the magnificently well done opening cinematic. talib kweli, one of my favorite artists next to his freind mos def is perfect as the voice of trane, an inner city youth trying to build his name. the game takes place in a somewhat cliche "fifteen minutes in the future" orwellian nightmare. no flying cars, the only thing different being the government.

one thing i really appreciated was that the city looked, sounded and felt real. roaches scatter out from under trash, buildings have dings and scrapes, chainlink fences are rusty with inconsistent patterns in the links... the attention to detail was astounding for an atari game. the gameplay was simple enough to learn, and everything has layer after layer of options. the tagging selection alone could be a coffee table book. the fighting system is very impressive for a game i thought would be an urban prince of persia. the story of the game pushes along quickly enough to keep you interested in completing it, but if you get side swiped by an oncoming train, you won't want to do over the tags.

tagging in the game works a little bit like the warriors, in that you use the left analog stick to paint. unlike the warriors, you have unlimited cans, but a time limit and a constant need to shake it. this isn't really a nag, but it eats up time. once you get to the subway levels though, a pressure upgrade makes this a non issue. overall, this game is surprisingly well done, almost worth buying. almost.

there are issues with the camera, and sometimes the fights can be a bit one sided in either direction. the graphics can be a bit... ugh, but on the whole they are pretty impressive. the game's dialogue certainly earns the M rating, with motherfuckers scattered throughout the cinematics and ingame taunts. certainly not a game to get "little johnny". dammit, who buys that lil bastard all these games?

verdict: 08/10; rent it, if you like it buy it.

Character Assassination

2006-02-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

remember this guy? he's the star of our newest advert. click the post header to watch the original commercial in all its retardation.

feel free to put it somewhere on your site. thanks for your support.

Pinnochio Wants to be a Real Boy

2006-02-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

i'm in the middle of finding a server and registering a domain. after i do that, we'll have adspace ready, along with a renovated site on wordpress and a forum. reeeaaal professional-like. in between now and then, i'm pretty damn broke, so if you have any hosting/registering suggestions, please pass them along. i can be reached at antifanboy@gmail.com .

as for forum choices, i'm torn between vbulletin, invision powerboard, and phpbb.

if all else fails, i'll set up my own server out of an old barebones.

Drill Dozer

2006-02-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

from the same developers that brought us pokemon comes drill dozer, a game in which you play a girl strapped into a mech with drills for arms. certainly offbeat, and lots of fun. the mechanics of the game are quite simple, more like dk king of swing (a game that i loved). you use the left and right shoulder buttons on the gba to control the drill's rotation. the drill works with three gears, which scatter throughout each level at the beginning of a mission. holding the shoulder button, you power up the drill, and when the right icon shows up, hold it again to shift up. the gameplay is simple but addictive. the art style and color pallette are gorgeous, and the 2d sidescrolling approach is as sharp as any metroid game.

everyone i know that played drill dozer agreed that it was a magnificent game. it's certainly worth adding to your gba library. bravo to the developers for making a game that i love. i never really liked pokemon. here's hoping for drill dozer ds!

verdict: 8.5/10; buy it and don't plan on putting it down any time soon.

Winter Olympics: Why?

2006-02-16T05:17:00.000-08:00

i wonder what keeps olympic curlers from blowing off the back of their skull with a shotgun. as i flipped through the usual channels early this morning, (the digital cable's guide has no program data again) i happened across curling on usa. i know it's this time honored tradition, and nbc (who owns usa network) has bought the license for the olympics every year, but as i watched grown men in an empty stadium yelling orders at eachother while they feverishly broomed a rock down an icy alley, i wanted to ask them if they were happy with their life. all you cubicle workers, dreading your next day in a grey walled office building, can tell yourselves, "hey, atleast i didn't dedicate my life to curling."

even more despicable than the fact that curling is an olympic sport is the fact that it has commentators. commentators that commentate on EVERYTHING. it's not enough that i just saw a swedish guy SCREAMING at the rock he just slid across the ice, they have to fill me in on what i'm (sadly) watching. if i were one of the guys in that booth, i'd try a little autoerotic asphyxiation. atleast when they found me dead, i'd be smiling. you may ask why i hate curling so much; well, it is not a real sport. it requires no athleticism, and minimal skill. see, bowling requires more coordination and skill than curling, as you don't need two buddies to steer your bowling ball post throw. bocce ball requires more skill, and old sicillians play that after they eat, drink, and fuck. these guys TRAIN for years to get to this point in their failure of a life. congratulations, swedish hairlip guy, you've wasted what could have been a productive, cancer curing life. who am i kidding? you'd probably just molest a pony. naaaaay indeed.

Full Auto Meta Review Quagmire

2006-02-15T09:29:00.000-08:00

so there's this problem, right? it has to do with full auto. for a while, i was kinda psyched about the whole next gen car gun combat thing, ever since i first saw it at e3. then a few weeks later, i got to play it. the version was nowhere near final, infact it was a slightly updated version of the e3 demo that the g4 anchors were treated to live. i was not impressed, but that's definitely not rare for a game that isn't past beta. i saw more screens, and movies, and i got more and more amped about it. then i got my 360, and within a few months, oxm released the e3 demo.

this, i never got. why can't the game's producer's get a more recent build of the game out to demo when everyone is ready to decide whether or not to spend their money on it? 'board buzz can sell or kill a game based on a magazine's demo. the bad news was, it continually froze the 360, most times never getting past the initial rolling start animation. that made jim a very sad panda. so i popped it in once in a while, whenever i had nothing better to do than watch it freeze my system, until the newer demo was eventually released over the xbl marketplace. hoping that it would be a fixed version, maybe the same race but with a few bug fixes (framerate issues, freezing), i was let down. badly.

so it was the same buggy crapheap as before, only this time it was official. by this time, i was invited to play the newest build, a near final one, for a last peak at the game so i may give it the correct review come that time. the framerate was a constant 60fps, every rough edge was smooth and brilliantly shiny, and it didn't freeze once. it was just as i had imagined it. i expected nothing more. apparently, some people did.

those people, namely, include tom price, of official xbox magazine. his "review" if you want to call it that, sounded like he had just found his wife's cock. he gave it a gloriously undeserved 5.5 out of 10. i started to wonder if he played the same game i did. in the same issue, a winter olympics game got a higher score. then i read it. the words were bitchy, cranky, and unwarranted. it looked as if he had written it after pulling an all nighter arguing with james carville. did he really expect a story? did burnout have a story? it's a simple game about crashing and shooting rival vehicles. if it had any story (or post apocalyptic mad max type setting like he offered), it would be laughable, like the others that came before it. it's been done before anyway, as twisted metal. (examples of story driven "carmbat" failures: jakx, 187 ride or die, that other game i can't even remember because it was so bad...) basically, my point is that he expected hot shit in a champagne glass, so anything less became cold diarhhea in a dixie cup.

i considered this extraordinarily low score a bit unsettling though. then, earlier today, i read xboxyde's latest impression, and my heart sunk. did something happen to this wonderfully fun game between my near final build hands on and the gold press? these guys atleast had video evidence. or so they said. yes, it is footage, but it doesn't support their cries of an unnaceptable framerate. not once in the video did it drop a single frame. the comments reflect that. so what the hell is wrong with these reviewers? it's certainly not reflected in other reviews. it got a decent score from teamxbox, who strangely enough run oxm's website/forums. it got an even better score from my pals over at 1up. so what's going on here?

i intended to find out. so when i got my copy of the game late last night u.p.s., i popped it in. simple menu, but impressive. burnout revenge's menu system was confusing as hell, and i'm just glad i can figure out how to get the game to do what i want. so far, the graphics are stunning on my tv. i can almost smell the simoniz. the first few races are a bit desolate, but pretty soon i'm tearing ass through fantastically detailed city streets, ripping the competition to shreds. this game is a blast.

so it turns out that some people don't like this game. they probably gave bad reviews to crimson skies and mario kart (before it was established). these people blow my mind.

verdict: 7.5/10; buy it, and ignore the bad reviews. cynics suck.

Baby Ruth!

2006-02-05T22:49:00.000-08:00

sloth love chunk, but evidently cap'n piccard doesn't feel the same way. with all the downer posts lately, i thought i'd make everyone's days a little brighter. do the truffle shuffle.

360 Doldrums

2006-02-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

so the xbox 360 is almost in its ninth week, and i'm already as sick of it as my psp. don't get me wrong, i love it, hell, i'm playing it as we speak, but at this point, the next gen offering is kinda weak. i'm tired of the lag in call of duty and dead or alive, i'm tired of getting disconnected in perfect dark zero, and the FUCKING PANT-LOAD times in project gotham. i miss a target time by a milisecond, and i have to suffer ps1 loading times to retry. it makes you wonder if they even played the game before it went gold. they would have held it back until after launch. i'd be happy to send it back, like an undercooked steak, if it meant i could play a little next gen mini cooper cat and mouse, maybe without watching the gloss on my ariel atom dry.

full auto comes out soon, and i have both it and black preordered. i'm pretty psyched for both, since the last time i played full auto, it had an almost flawless framerate; and well, as for the last time i played black, i peed a little. by a little i mean full on pitcher of lemonade down the front of my dungarees.

but seriously, both my psp and 360 are pretty, shiny, white, and have about 5 good games out. both are also unfortunately littered with ports of other games. and can we do something about the terrible headset support? the xb1 headset, despite a major clip design failure, sounded better than my phone. now every time i talk to someone on the 360, it sounds like they are talking with balls in their mouths. spit out the testicles and talk to me dammit!

Keyboard Fuckup Blues

2006-02-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

well, a few weeks back, my wireless keyboard died on me. turns out the batteries i replaced (three times) still weren't charged. i've had to make do with highlight, copy, and paste. sucks. so finally i have my keyboard back, and i find out my shitty futon (which i keep permanently in sofa mode) has bent down the middle. it's a hollow metal frame. the guys who made this have no idea how to make a load bearing structure. they should go back to tattooing pornstar's privates. "that guy's a redhead, and he's got a flame tat above his cack? unbelievable." so now, since i don't have the money for a new bed, and i don't have room for a full one anyway with all the shit in my room, wednesday i'm gonna try to build a bottom frame out of a discarded particle board bookcase. it's about the right depth, and i might be able to paint it and convert the front facing side into a hinged door. that might be cool. now if only the FUCKING SOUND DRIVERS were installed correctly on my pc too.

ice age is the only thing on television i haven't seen to the point of illness, and john leguizamo, ray romano, and dennis leary are the most annoying voice actors EVER. i feel like crying.

Nintendo DS Lite Announced

2006-01-26T01:36:00.000-08:00

http://www.nintendo.co.jp/n10/news/060126.html

the DS Lite will be available in Japan on March 2nd
for a recommended retail price of 16,800 yen.

Two Quick Movie Reviews

2006-01-11T11:41:00.000-08:00

johnny knoxville stars as a failed actor, who, with the advice of his uncle (brian cox), enters the special olympics to pay for his friend's surgery.

you know, the teaser for this farrelly brothers vehicle looked pretty funny. in the end, instead of having a lighthearted picture, it's just a sad portrayal of sad characters. they had two routes they could have gone down that would have redeemed this picture. the blazing saddles route, taking something absurd like racism and brutally portraying it through courageous parody, or the sorority boys angle; dress them up and make it a silly slapstick clichefest. they neglected both, neither offending or making anyone laugh. if you are going to pick a topic such as this, you have to either go all out and make it terribly offensive but scathingly truthful, or just make it a national lampoon-esque affair, with plenty of fake penis humour, and constant use of the word "retard". when you spend one half of the movie dealing with the potentially hilarious plot, and the other trying like hell to dignify all mentally challenged people, you cross wires and blow a fuse. basically, this movie is a trainwreck that you can definitely turn away from, because trust me, it's really slow...

verdict: forget about this one. south park did it way better.

pierce brosnan is an aging high profile contract killer, losing his edge. he meets a normal man (greg kinnear) who becomes his only freind.

i knew from the previews that i would like this one. it slipped past me, and i only recently learned of it through the tv spots. bond, james bond, is a hitman. he's having a nervous breakdown. he runs into greg kinnear (i swear, if i meet him i'll probably hit him) and slowly, awkwardly befriends him. when pierce fails a hit in budapest, the higher ups decide he has reached the end of his usefullness. i won't ruin the rest, but suffice to say, the ending caught me by surprise. the film is soaked with style, sort of like another favorite of mine, layer cake. the difference, and my only disappointment with the matador, is the tempo. everything happens almost painfully slowly. it's like watching a really good old movie. you don't want to fall asleep, because you know it's great. it just takes soooo long.

verdict: definitely worth a rent. just make sure you don't recline.

Pink Nightmare

2005-12-22T22:13:00.000-08:00

oh ffffudge. it's that time of year again. time to mix up the nog and clean off the sog, because you might have to slit some throats to get that last minute gift. best buy's register lines look like six flags', it's too late to get anything online, and forget the mall. i suggest a quick trip to target for the officially licensed nintendo classics boxers. i got the green ones.

on the downside, if you haven't already gotten that big ticket item (360) you probably won't. if you have, there aren't any new games until dead or alive 4, and that's been pushed back to the year's end. you can always get them a nintendo ds in their favorite color with a copy of bust a move ds. will not disappoint. i'd get you something, but you'd shoot your eye out kid.